I miss London. I miss knowing where I am; I miss feeling like I know what my next three moves will be rather than shuffling my bewildered pawn reactively round this strange city. Today we met the agent who will find us somewhere to live in Manhattan. Maybe Chelsea, maybe the West Village or maybe the Upper West Side; wherever it will be it will cost a fortune.
Still, we made some significant progress today by working out how to use the subway with the buggy. The trick I learned on-line was to go through the turnstile and then push the gate open from the other side. An alarm will sound. Ignore this, no-one will pay it any attention and this is considered reasonable and acceptable behaviour. This is a major success.
It's New Years Eve so time to reflect.
We have been together nine years. In the beginning it was very different. We were staying first in Herne Hill and then Streatham. We lived out of one room with no opportunity for any time alone. South London trains are none too convenient and I often preferred to take the early train, getting out at City Thameslink and walking to Bishopsgate. I often passed through St Pauls at six in the morning pondering our situation. J was temping so work was uncertain and I was on a one-year contract at ABN with no guarantee that it would be extended. We were of course still in a fortunate position but it didn't feel like it and everything seemed fragile.
Yet nine years later I was again walking through St Pauls on the way to work. This time we were living there in the corporate apartment awaiting this big move. Now we are here we are once again likely to be living in a very tight space, this time not alone but with our daughter and dog.
My favourite song about London is Waterloo Sunrise. It conveys a real sense of the physical place; the dirty old river and the swarming hordes through Waterloo underground. Lately though I had taken the role of the narrator, content not to go out wandering but to observe the sunset.
New York gives me a different role - I am now in the bright lights, feeling a little dizzy to be sure but feeling excited.
2011 does not look to be a promising year for many people. There are a lot of uncertainties and insecurities, particularly for work life and its knock-on effects. Everything has to be paid for eventually and the teenagers applying to university next year are understandably aghast at being handed the bill by a generation that grew up with no fees, full grants and secure employment.
I have a hope, a Micawberish hope perhaps, that something better will turn up. The future is an undiscovered country and only time will tell what we find.
As I gaze on New York sunset and I consider my family, my good fortune, I am in paradise.
