Patience

I've been in Sacramento now since Tuesday and it's a pleasant time to be in California. We visited the Napa Valley on Thursday; a typically Californian experience that involved tasting wine in an Italian castle that had been shipped over and reconstructed in the vineyard. Yesterday we met Jennifer and I got to see and feel Harriet moving so persistently. Jennifer and the girls looked great. Perhaps this weekend we will go to Reno, trying to keep busy so that the time passes until the moment arrives. There is so much we need to do and soon I will have to return home to sort out the animals and keep my job but we need to rely on Harriet to judge the right moment. We will be ready - the nappies, food and clothes are packed, the hospital address is stored in the GPS and the phone is watched very carefully. But for now the only thing required of us is patience.

Take a deep breath

There is nothing more to be said really. I just have to amuse myself for a few hours and then begin the most difficult part of my journey - from Hertfordshire to Heathrow taking about the same time as the flight to San Francisco...

I did the farewells in the office today. It feels strange doing that when so many people are doing it because they are leaving for good due to their being put "at risk of redundancy" (that is the jargon can you believe, "did you hear so-and-so has been put at-risk"). It's still a very turbulent time and while there are green shoots it's difficult to know whether they will be enough to sustain you.

Today was a hectic day of trying to leave my affairs in order. Once word got around that I was off for a long time ("oh shit" was in many ways one of the nicest and most complimentary responses I got) people were bombarding me with calls and emails. My head was sore at the end and joy of joy the A13 was backed up even at 7.30pm.

Sometimes you want time to pass and sometimes you want it stand still. Friday evening I wanted time to stop because I knew that the weekend was the last little piece of calm and then it would all begin. I'm feeling as confident about the birth as one should at 38 weeks while I realise all sorts of terrible things may yet happen there is nothing to be gained by worrying about that (since they have the same probability of all sorts of wonderful things, equally not to be dwelt upon I fear). Instead I have been preoccupied by all the practical stuff and worrying about where the embassy is, whether the lawyers will do their jobs efficiently and whether all our animal keepers will emerge from this with their sanity.

Everyone during the goodbyes wished us well. Some seemed to think it was all so "exciting" whereas the word they were surely grasping for was "terrifying". I feel a bit like Indiana Jones (not a common occurrence I assure you) in the "Last Crusade" when he needs to step off the side of the cliff into the chasm and hope there is some means of stopping him from falling.

Here goes...

The next stage

There's not much more to write, from here at least. Friday was the last day I got up and Jay drove me to work then picked me up from the station in the evening. That humdrum, normality won't be there again, at least not for a long time.

On Saturday Jay took Arto and Billy to the Midlands and the adventure begins. He returned with his mother on Sunday and they fly to San Francisco on Tuesday. It's difficult to imagine what happens beyond then.

The house has been so quiet since the dogs, particularly Scamper, left. My parents have been phoning in with status updates and in the background I can hear her shouting at the world and I miss her and Pip. I know we will see them all again but things will never be the same again. Most couples get to spend the pregnancy getting ready whereas our child has been 6,000 miles away so it's never seemed quite as real in a way. There have been no prenatal classes and no gradual sense of progress - every milestone is accompanied by the slight bump of an eleven hour flight. That said I was talking to a friend yesterday who said we were very prepared - her daughter was born at 30 weeks and she had nothing at all ready.

Thank you to all of you who have sent us messages of support and interest. We will of course keep you all informed in any way we can. It's not the end of the journey, it's really the beginning.

The Farewell tour begins

The first big date on the schedule was Scotland. We set the alarm for 4 o'clock and hit the road just before five. We had a brief stop to leave Billy with Sarah, Rob, Jess and Milly for the night and continued up the M6, M74, M73, A80, M9 before finally arriving in Maddiston.

We were only there for one night but at least it was enough for Scamper and Pip to get used to their new surroundings while we were still there. My mother and father have never had a dog and as far as I know have never had any desire for a dog but now they have two and two little handfuls at that. My mother was putting on a brave face and said that frankly they could do what they liked because she was due a new sofa, carpet and rug anyway. That said, when we joked that she might not want to give them back she was pretty quick at retorting "you should be so lucky".

It felt strange saying goodbye to everyone. It felt so momentous, almost like we were going away for ever and of course in a way that's true. The next time they see us it will all be so very different.

We've returned to an empty house. Mango was hassling us for some fresh food and Billy was there but without the Westies there is almost total silence. It feels like we are holding our breath and just waiting on the end of the diving board trying to work up the courage to go. But it doesn't matter, we don't need courage since there is no going back now. What we do need is luck and hope so we are half way there already.

Resolutions

New Year's resolutions do not seem very relevant this year (if they ever did). Whatever we resolve to do or not to do it is likely to make little difference since this year, whatever happens, will be one of dramatic change. It is appropriate that this weekend, so similar to so many previous weekends of walking, the pub and television, feels so different because it will be the last one like it. Next week we will go to Scotland to drop off Scamper and Pip and the following weekend Jay will go the Midlands to drop off Billy and Arto and pick up his mother.

Then he is off to San Francisco and so it will begin. At least, that is assuming that something doesn't happen before hand requiring a complete change of plans.

It's important when looking out to 2009 to try to get the full picture in view. Some parts are currently looking deeply unsatisfactory, namely the legal situation here and in the US (our US lawyer is leaving things dangerously late and is causing us some anxiety). Other parts are currently looking absolutely terrifying (the birth). Yet beyond all of that is our daughter who will become the most treasured part of our lives.

There are beginnings and endings everywhere. Some things have gone, others are going and a whole new world is just around the corner. It's worthwhile diverting attention to some more trivial matters before it all explodes in your mind so I'm pleased to say that I have discovered that if she is born after January 26 she will be born in the year of the Ox and this is well suited to Jay and to me who were born in the year of the Snake. Clearly it's all a lot of nonsense since the idea that people born in a year are all alike is clearly disproved when you compare the two Snakes but it's still fun to find out.

As for star signs she will be either Aquarius or (less likely I hope since it's a week beyond the due date) Pisces. Still all rubbish even if this system does allow for 12 types of people in a year but then I think we would just about follow any superstition to ensure her safe delivery.

We don't know where the future is going to take us but I'll sign off now because we've got to pack and get going. One thing is for sure 2009 will be a year for us like no other.