I miss London. I miss knowing where I am; I miss feeling like I know what my next three moves will be rather than shuffling my bewildered pawn reactively round this strange city. Today we met the agent who will find us somewhere to live in Manhattan. Maybe Chelsea, maybe the West Village or maybe the Upper West Side; wherever it will be it will cost a fortune.
Still, we made some significant progress today by working out how to use the subway with the buggy. The trick I learned on-line was to go through the turnstile and then push the gate open from the other side. An alarm will sound. Ignore this, no-one will pay it any attention and this is considered reasonable and acceptable behaviour. This is a major success.
It's New Years Eve so time to reflect.
We have been together nine years. In the beginning it was very different. We were staying first in Herne Hill and then Streatham. We lived out of one room with no opportunity for any time alone. South London trains are none too convenient and I often preferred to take the early train, getting out at City Thameslink and walking to Bishopsgate. I often passed through St Pauls at six in the morning pondering our situation. J was temping so work was uncertain and I was on a one-year contract at ABN with no guarantee that it would be extended. We were of course still in a fortunate position but it didn't feel like it and everything seemed fragile.
Yet nine years later I was again walking through St Pauls on the way to work. This time we were living there in the corporate apartment awaiting this big move. Now we are here we are once again likely to be living in a very tight space, this time not alone but with our daughter and dog.
My favourite song about London is Waterloo Sunrise. It conveys a real sense of the physical place; the dirty old river and the swarming hordes through Waterloo underground. Lately though I had taken the role of the narrator, content not to go out wandering but to observe the sunset.
New York gives me a different role - I am now in the bright lights, feeling a little dizzy to be sure but feeling excited.
2011 does not look to be a promising year for many people. There are a lot of uncertainties and insecurities, particularly for work life and its knock-on effects. Everything has to be paid for eventually and the teenagers applying to university next year are understandably aghast at being handed the bill by a generation that grew up with no fees, full grants and secure employment.
I have a hope, a Micawberish hope perhaps, that something better will turn up. The future is an undiscovered country and only time will tell what we find.
As I gaze on New York sunset and I consider my family, my good fortune, I am in paradise.
Friday 31 December 2010
Wednesday 29 December 2010
The Day After
I wasn't sure how Pip and I were going to go on a walk the morning after the blizzard. The streets were full of snow many inches deep. However, people were out clearing the snow and it seemed the place was pretty well prepared with each building having its own little motorised snow clearer (something akin to a lawnmover). There was a narrow path on our route so we managed to complete the circuit.
All of Harriet's toys are being shipped by sea so we don't have very much for her. We decided a top priority was to get to a toy store and find something so we set out. We took the subway for the first time (folding the pram to get through the gates). The platform was packed and the announcements told a tale of woe that is familiar to any London tube user with lines cancelled and long delays promised. Still, the E train eventually showed up and we headed across town and south to Penn station.
When we arrived above ground it was as cold as anything I have ever experienced. The wind smashed repeatedly into us and every extremity felt the chill. We struggled down one block to the Toys-R-Us on 7th Avenue and dived in desperate for shelter. My fingers, previously chilled, now were aflame as they started to thaw out.
We have bought another child carrier because it is probably the only way J can use the subway by himself. The very good one we have will be heading out by sea but is no use to us now. We bought Harriet a colourful vacuum cleaner that was just perfect for her and picked out a few more toys that would have to wait for another day when we had more hands free. We headed home exhausted.
We finally got boots in the afternoon and were congratulated by the shop assistants for getting the last ones in the shop. It felt brilliant to leave the shop with the new footwear on and we could now easily climb the mounds of snow and wade through the slush with abandon. The biggest problem with the snow now is that it has been moved to the edge of the roads and so it is not always easy for pedestrians to cross. But that is no problem for those with landrover shoes.
The following day we went to Central Park. All of us are now equipped with snow boots and could stomp around safely. The snow is being shifted in the most remarkable fashion - on second avenue JCBs are scooping it up and piling it into trucks. The news still looks like home though - people in areas complaining that the ploughs ignored their boroughs and passengers with tales of woe including one poor sod who had got stuck in London and then got stuck in JFK for his onward flight to the Bahamas.
Gradually this is all becoming more normal.
All of Harriet's toys are being shipped by sea so we don't have very much for her. We decided a top priority was to get to a toy store and find something so we set out. We took the subway for the first time (folding the pram to get through the gates). The platform was packed and the announcements told a tale of woe that is familiar to any London tube user with lines cancelled and long delays promised. Still, the E train eventually showed up and we headed across town and south to Penn station.
When we arrived above ground it was as cold as anything I have ever experienced. The wind smashed repeatedly into us and every extremity felt the chill. We struggled down one block to the Toys-R-Us on 7th Avenue and dived in desperate for shelter. My fingers, previously chilled, now were aflame as they started to thaw out.
We have bought another child carrier because it is probably the only way J can use the subway by himself. The very good one we have will be heading out by sea but is no use to us now. We bought Harriet a colourful vacuum cleaner that was just perfect for her and picked out a few more toys that would have to wait for another day when we had more hands free. We headed home exhausted.
We finally got boots in the afternoon and were congratulated by the shop assistants for getting the last ones in the shop. It felt brilliant to leave the shop with the new footwear on and we could now easily climb the mounds of snow and wade through the slush with abandon. The biggest problem with the snow now is that it has been moved to the edge of the roads and so it is not always easy for pedestrians to cross. But that is no problem for those with landrover shoes.
The following day we went to Central Park. All of us are now equipped with snow boots and could stomp around safely. The snow is being shifted in the most remarkable fashion - on second avenue JCBs are scooping it up and piling it into trucks. The news still looks like home though - people in areas complaining that the ploughs ignored their boroughs and passengers with tales of woe including one poor sod who had got stuck in London and then got stuck in JFK for his onward flight to the Bahamas.
Gradually this is all becoming more normal.
Tuesday 28 December 2010
The Boxing Day Hunt and Subsequent Blizzard
I have lived so long in one city and become so familiar with it that it has been a shock transitioning to New York. Whereas in London I understand all the transport, know how the areas connect together and have a general feel for the rythmn of the place, here I am almost literally lost.
On Boxing Day we had to pick up a few things but it was a nightmare. A dog coat for Pip was an essential but none was to be had in Bloomingdales. Then we went looking for toys but couldn't find anything suitable either. So back to the apartment to research on-line and then we headed off to Macy's. Oh for the accessible gates of the London Underground - the New York subway seems to have nothing except a few disabled gates that you require a special card to access. So we walked.
Actually, it's not really possible to get lost in Midtown because the grid system is easy enough to follow but still it's hard to know where you are in all the other senses. The shops were just packed and the store guides are frankly appalling - ok so I want to be in the seventh avenue building, just where on earth is that? Am I supposed to have a built in compass???
Macy's looked like Primark in Leytonstone - all the merchandise was scattered on the floor as the locusts swarmed over the shop looking to consume. We needed a new jacket for J and boots for Harriet because we had heard a storm was coming later that day.
We got the boots and the jacket eventually and headed back home. It had been snowing on the way here - gentle flakes that made the place look very pretty. On the return journey it was becoming much more serious and no matter which direction we walked we always seemed to be walking into the wind. It was becoming bitterly cold and we still had no dog coat for Pip.
By 4pm we had managed to get home and I got a dog coat from a local store. It was the wrong size so back I trudged to get the next size. The road surfaces had begun to disappear and visibility was a few nose lengths and not much more. Cars were getting into real difficulty and a few had been abandoned already. I got back and headed out with Pip who at least had the good sense to realise something was up and perform quickly so we could return home and lock down.
The views from our apartment literally disappeared as we became wrapped in a white cloud. The wind howled and was only drowned out by the occaisional thunder. There was lightning too but not well defined in the thick white fog. It was time to hunker down for the night and be grateful that we at least had nowhere left to go. We were in our strange, unfamiliar new home and what a welcoming party it had thrown for us.
On Boxing Day we had to pick up a few things but it was a nightmare. A dog coat for Pip was an essential but none was to be had in Bloomingdales. Then we went looking for toys but couldn't find anything suitable either. So back to the apartment to research on-line and then we headed off to Macy's. Oh for the accessible gates of the London Underground - the New York subway seems to have nothing except a few disabled gates that you require a special card to access. So we walked.
Actually, it's not really possible to get lost in Midtown because the grid system is easy enough to follow but still it's hard to know where you are in all the other senses. The shops were just packed and the store guides are frankly appalling - ok so I want to be in the seventh avenue building, just where on earth is that? Am I supposed to have a built in compass???
Macy's looked like Primark in Leytonstone - all the merchandise was scattered on the floor as the locusts swarmed over the shop looking to consume. We needed a new jacket for J and boots for Harriet because we had heard a storm was coming later that day.
We got the boots and the jacket eventually and headed back home. It had been snowing on the way here - gentle flakes that made the place look very pretty. On the return journey it was becoming much more serious and no matter which direction we walked we always seemed to be walking into the wind. It was becoming bitterly cold and we still had no dog coat for Pip.
By 4pm we had managed to get home and I got a dog coat from a local store. It was the wrong size so back I trudged to get the next size. The road surfaces had begun to disappear and visibility was a few nose lengths and not much more. Cars were getting into real difficulty and a few had been abandoned already. I got back and headed out with Pip who at least had the good sense to realise something was up and perform quickly so we could return home and lock down.
The views from our apartment literally disappeared as we became wrapped in a white cloud. The wind howled and was only drowned out by the occaisional thunder. There was lightning too but not well defined in the thick white fog. It was time to hunker down for the night and be grateful that we at least had nowhere left to go. We were in our strange, unfamiliar new home and what a welcoming party it had thrown for us.
Monday 27 December 2010
An Unusual Christmas
We managed to sleep till about 4am, which is not that bad considering how early we collapsed asleep. This was to be a Christmas Day like no other. All of Harriet's presents will be coming later so all we had for her was a CBeebies DVD from my brother's family. The original plan was to arrive on December 20th and buy her a trike during the week but alas that was out of the window too.
The first thing we did was go to a nearby shop and buy some essential provisions. Next we took a walk out to Central Park. It was bitterly cold so we didn't hang around for very long. It had become clear that Pip was going to need a coat - we were criticised by a homeless woman we met on the return journey for not covering her.
Our Christmas lunch was at a French restaurant round the block. The food was excellent and the service was good but there was a horrendous smell of paint. This was apparently coming from the adjacent property and it really detracted from the whole experience. That said, Harriet was fine and as usual was the star of the show and pulled in the fellow diners.
We skyped the family back home. Our chatterbox daughter is so often quiet on the phone and starts babbling as soon as it has gone off. She started to get into a bit more this time and it was so nice to see her dancing and waving across the miles.
That was the end of the day for us pretty much. For Americans Thanksgiving is the big party and Christmas lacks the importance the British ascribe to it. So there were no Christmas specials of our favourite shows - in fact we are struggling to find anything on our cable service.
A quiet, unusual Christmas but of course still very exciting to be in this place. It wasn't a white Christmas but we were promised snow the following day.
The first thing we did was go to a nearby shop and buy some essential provisions. Next we took a walk out to Central Park. It was bitterly cold so we didn't hang around for very long. It had become clear that Pip was going to need a coat - we were criticised by a homeless woman we met on the return journey for not covering her.
Our Christmas lunch was at a French restaurant round the block. The food was excellent and the service was good but there was a horrendous smell of paint. This was apparently coming from the adjacent property and it really detracted from the whole experience. That said, Harriet was fine and as usual was the star of the show and pulled in the fellow diners.
We skyped the family back home. Our chatterbox daughter is so often quiet on the phone and starts babbling as soon as it has gone off. She started to get into a bit more this time and it was so nice to see her dancing and waving across the miles.
That was the end of the day for us pretty much. For Americans Thanksgiving is the big party and Christmas lacks the importance the British ascribe to it. So there were no Christmas specials of our favourite shows - in fact we are struggling to find anything on our cable service.
A quiet, unusual Christmas but of course still very exciting to be in this place. It wasn't a white Christmas but we were promised snow the following day.
Sunday 26 December 2010
How To Emigrate on Christmas Eve
We travelled to Leytonstone for the last time on Saturday to take meter readings and clean up. As we left St Pauls the snow had not yet started but by the time we reached our former front door it was falling thick and fast. The return walk to the station took real effort to push the pram through the snow. When we heard that British Airways had cancelled all their flights we knew that we were in trouble. Sure enough on Sunday evening our flight was cancelled. The earliest we could be rebooked was Christmas Eve.
Friday eventually came. J had us packed and ready for the taxi at 730. We took a ceremonial route through London - from St Pauls down Fleet Street and then the Strand, passing King's College London. Then down the Mall with the palace of Westminster and the London Eye to the left and Buckingham palace straight ahead.
It was quiet so we arrived quickly at Heathrow (I'll skip pointing out the other highlights on the route such as the Hammersmith flyover). We checked in at the business class zone and waited for Pip to arrive.
Poor Pip has never been alone before and yet has spent the last two weeks in the wintry kennels. Billy will not be travelling with us - he was too big to travel on the flight as checked baggage and for too many New York apartments. He has the knack for being in the wrong place all the time and is usually blocking some access route with his bulk or sweeping a tray of mugs of tea off a table with his tail. He has been bored since Bobby left and our salvation came when Sarah, J's sister, offered a home for Billy with her family including Milly, Billy's sister. He will be much happier in the countryside with a friend than being stuck in a New York skyscraper.
We could hear her howling in her box from miles away. She would not be comforted and it was a bit of a farce getting her checked in. Eventually we found someone who knew what to do but they wouldn't take her until one hour before. We negociated an hour and a half to give us time to clear security ourselves (not an easy task with a pram and a baby). At least we could get her out and give her a cuddle, which calmed her down.
I'm sure we looked a sight in Heathrow. When she was returned to her box she started shouting the place down again. We entered into a region of Heathrow the pulic rarely sees - no shiny surfaces and smart lighting here. Her box was x-Rayed and we handed her over to be taken into the bowels of the airport.
For us it was now time to race through the security and grab a quick drink in the lounge. Harriet got a chance to stomp about a bit before the flight. This was to be her fourth transatlantic flight and would be the first one in which she has had her own seat. The sit-n-stroll would come into its own on this journey transforming between a buggy, a car seat and a flight seat.
I'm sure there was a lot of resentment as people walked past this baby in a business class seat. I've thought it myself but frankly this time I didn't care and thankfully there were other children so we didn't feel too exposed. The flight was excellent apart from one incident. For the first time in my life I needed to press the emergency button in the toilet - when the steward arrived I shouted: "Go to the man in 13G and tell him to bring the change of clothes".
Poor Harriet has been ill recently so thank goodness J had the foresight to pack a complete outfit change. Appropriately enough she was changed into the colours of the American flag as she entered the land of her birth yet again.
Once we had cleared immigration the first noise we heard in the baggage area was Pip. Sitting in the corner area for outsized baggage was her box. I have no idea what it is like travelling in the hold of a 777 as it takes off and lands and I hope I never will. I worried that this would traumatise Pip but she soon calmed down once she was out of her box and back with us.
Customs took a while looking at her documents but the lack of understanding on their faces was apparent to all. Eventually they waved us on. Because the UK is rabies free she can enter with a simple health certificate, a microchip and proof of ownership.
We arried in JFK. Our driver here was waiting with a sign and thankfully had a decent sized vehicle that easily accommodated us. It wasn't long before that famous city skyline was in front of us and we had arrived outside our building. We have a fabulous place for a month before having to find something more appropriate to our budget. Harriet is completely unfazed by the change and has no fear looking down from the 34th floor to the streets below. Pip has returned to exactly how she was before and is soon happily dozing on the sofa following our first walk around the block.
And so the next chapter begins.
Friday eventually came. J had us packed and ready for the taxi at 730. We took a ceremonial route through London - from St Pauls down Fleet Street and then the Strand, passing King's College London. Then down the Mall with the palace of Westminster and the London Eye to the left and Buckingham palace straight ahead.
It was quiet so we arrived quickly at Heathrow (I'll skip pointing out the other highlights on the route such as the Hammersmith flyover). We checked in at the business class zone and waited for Pip to arrive.
Poor Pip has never been alone before and yet has spent the last two weeks in the wintry kennels. Billy will not be travelling with us - he was too big to travel on the flight as checked baggage and for too many New York apartments. He has the knack for being in the wrong place all the time and is usually blocking some access route with his bulk or sweeping a tray of mugs of tea off a table with his tail. He has been bored since Bobby left and our salvation came when Sarah, J's sister, offered a home for Billy with her family including Milly, Billy's sister. He will be much happier in the countryside with a friend than being stuck in a New York skyscraper.
We could hear her howling in her box from miles away. She would not be comforted and it was a bit of a farce getting her checked in. Eventually we found someone who knew what to do but they wouldn't take her until one hour before. We negociated an hour and a half to give us time to clear security ourselves (not an easy task with a pram and a baby). At least we could get her out and give her a cuddle, which calmed her down.
I'm sure we looked a sight in Heathrow. When she was returned to her box she started shouting the place down again. We entered into a region of Heathrow the pulic rarely sees - no shiny surfaces and smart lighting here. Her box was x-Rayed and we handed her over to be taken into the bowels of the airport.
For us it was now time to race through the security and grab a quick drink in the lounge. Harriet got a chance to stomp about a bit before the flight. This was to be her fourth transatlantic flight and would be the first one in which she has had her own seat. The sit-n-stroll would come into its own on this journey transforming between a buggy, a car seat and a flight seat.
I'm sure there was a lot of resentment as people walked past this baby in a business class seat. I've thought it myself but frankly this time I didn't care and thankfully there were other children so we didn't feel too exposed. The flight was excellent apart from one incident. For the first time in my life I needed to press the emergency button in the toilet - when the steward arrived I shouted: "Go to the man in 13G and tell him to bring the change of clothes".
Poor Harriet has been ill recently so thank goodness J had the foresight to pack a complete outfit change. Appropriately enough she was changed into the colours of the American flag as she entered the land of her birth yet again.
Once we had cleared immigration the first noise we heard in the baggage area was Pip. Sitting in the corner area for outsized baggage was her box. I have no idea what it is like travelling in the hold of a 777 as it takes off and lands and I hope I never will. I worried that this would traumatise Pip but she soon calmed down once she was out of her box and back with us.
Customs took a while looking at her documents but the lack of understanding on their faces was apparent to all. Eventually they waved us on. Because the UK is rabies free she can enter with a simple health certificate, a microchip and proof of ownership.
We arried in JFK. Our driver here was waiting with a sign and thankfully had a decent sized vehicle that easily accommodated us. It wasn't long before that famous city skyline was in front of us and we had arrived outside our building. We have a fabulous place for a month before having to find something more appropriate to our budget. Harriet is completely unfazed by the change and has no fear looking down from the 34th floor to the streets below. Pip has returned to exactly how she was before and is soon happily dozing on the sofa following our first walk around the block.
And so the next chapter begins.
Friday 17 December 2010
Drawing Near
It's been a hard few days because Harriet was ill the night before we left for Scotland. She hasn't much improved and our journey up was a nightmare. Our train was cancelled so we had to wait an hour for the next one but we would have no reservations on this. Kings Cross has no sit down cafe and even if it scrubs up well in the future it is just hideous at the moment. It must feel like the unloved, forgotten urchin next to the splendour of St Pancras.
Anyway, we rushed like madmen when the platform was announced and got some seats. Off to York, where we sat for an hour due to signal failure. the train drew into Edinburgh as the light was fading and we queued in the freezing weather for a taxi. These were in short supply it seemed.
Next we waited and waited and waited to get our hire car. It was the perfect storm of simpleton customer before us and simpleton Hertz employee. After an age we were ready to head out into the Edinburgh rush hour.
We had left St Pauls at 7am and by 6pm we had made it to Grangemouth. Ok the flight may be delayed but honestly New York to Edinburgh can't be much worse than London to Edinburgh.
It was essential that we make it so she could see her Gran and Grandad. She is so lucky to have such a wide reaching and loving extended family but for me of course it has always been extra-special to go to Scotland.
She now has quite the collection of toys there including a well stocked kitchen. Whenever she comes to Scotland she will be able to play with them and will associate them with Gran and Grandad.
Because she was ill we couldn't do much or see as many people as we might usually. We did see two great aunts (Betty and Isabel) and of course when we are in New York we will be able to go to Canada to see my father's eldest sister (the 'big yin', Jean).
It was sad to say goodbye but we tried to keep in mind that this is really not goodbye but see you later. We will be extra disciplined in using Skype for all the grandparents, aunts and uncles and dear friends. Facebook and other social media will keep everyone up to date and keep us up to date with everyone back home. Also I expect we'll have a fair few visitors stateside as much as we will be coming back here.
The US will offer us so much. Gay parenting is much more established and although we sadly can't become regulars with our friends in Castro Dads San Francisco yet there will be something similar in New York. She's just at the age to start socialising more and having friends with similar backgrounds will be a boon. We also have a much shorter distance to the clinics and the surrogate for the next one.
Who knows what the future will bring. When we took our first steps towards having Harriet in 2006 we couldn't possibly know. I have been keeping notes both in public and private to record all the ups and downs along the way. To each particular story, whether happy or sad there is a constant background note that says: 'this is right and you wouldn't change it for the world'.
Fingers crossed for Monday. There's still a lot to do but we wouldn't have it any other way.
Anyway, we rushed like madmen when the platform was announced and got some seats. Off to York, where we sat for an hour due to signal failure. the train drew into Edinburgh as the light was fading and we queued in the freezing weather for a taxi. These were in short supply it seemed.
Next we waited and waited and waited to get our hire car. It was the perfect storm of simpleton customer before us and simpleton Hertz employee. After an age we were ready to head out into the Edinburgh rush hour.
We had left St Pauls at 7am and by 6pm we had made it to Grangemouth. Ok the flight may be delayed but honestly New York to Edinburgh can't be much worse than London to Edinburgh.
It was essential that we make it so she could see her Gran and Grandad. She is so lucky to have such a wide reaching and loving extended family but for me of course it has always been extra-special to go to Scotland.
She now has quite the collection of toys there including a well stocked kitchen. Whenever she comes to Scotland she will be able to play with them and will associate them with Gran and Grandad.
Because she was ill we couldn't do much or see as many people as we might usually. We did see two great aunts (Betty and Isabel) and of course when we are in New York we will be able to go to Canada to see my father's eldest sister (the 'big yin', Jean).
It was sad to say goodbye but we tried to keep in mind that this is really not goodbye but see you later. We will be extra disciplined in using Skype for all the grandparents, aunts and uncles and dear friends. Facebook and other social media will keep everyone up to date and keep us up to date with everyone back home. Also I expect we'll have a fair few visitors stateside as much as we will be coming back here.
The US will offer us so much. Gay parenting is much more established and although we sadly can't become regulars with our friends in Castro Dads San Francisco yet there will be something similar in New York. She's just at the age to start socialising more and having friends with similar backgrounds will be a boon. We also have a much shorter distance to the clinics and the surrogate for the next one.
Who knows what the future will bring. When we took our first steps towards having Harriet in 2006 we couldn't possibly know. I have been keeping notes both in public and private to record all the ups and downs along the way. To each particular story, whether happy or sad there is a constant background note that says: 'this is right and you wouldn't change it for the world'.
Fingers crossed for Monday. There's still a lot to do but we wouldn't have it any other way.
Saturday 11 December 2010
On the road again
I'm writing this as we drive up to the Midlands in a hired van. If there were any doubts about how 'real' the move is they have gone now. Our flights are booked and we will not sleep again in our current house. We'll be staying with family tonight, a friend tomorrow, then a corporate apartment in St Pauls (punctuated by two days in a hotel in Scotland) before finally reaching our first temporary US address (near to Central Park). The car has been sold and the movers have carried out the survey. Next week our neighbours will have to cope with a shipping container blocking the road.
We're walking a tightrope. If we stopped and thought about it we would fall off so we press on. To all the eejits on TV *this* is being on a journey. I'm not 100% sure where it is taking us but it is taking us somewhere and there is nothing left to do except go with it.
We're walking a tightrope. If we stopped and thought about it we would fall off so we press on. To all the eejits on TV *this* is being on a journey. I'm not 100% sure where it is taking us but it is taking us somewhere and there is nothing left to do except go with it.
Sunday 31 October 2010
The Days Are Just Packed
On Tuesday night we met Matheus. This was good both from the point of view of seeing him for the first time in ages but also for providing a distraction from the following day. We had dinner in Browns and Harriet was on top form and very communicative. It seems like only yesterday that Matheus and I were PhD students at King's and his son was born.
The next day was the day J finally went into hospital. It's been a very long road of going for test after test, none of which showed any definitive cause for the pain he has had in both arms (not in itself a bad thing and he has had a full MRI that came back clear which is nice to have). Finally his surgeon and he decided to go for the option that had always seemed the most likely - an operation to re-site the nerve.
This could not come at a worse time frankly. We want to move continents and start surrogacy again. Our current accommodation in London is fine but hardly ideal for our family and I am working extremely long hours (the main problem with the current house is that the playroom is open-plan onto the kitchen and the baby-fencing we have used to keep her in is no longer safe because she can climb over it).
The good bit of news was that his sister was coming later on Tuesday. There is a sense of urgency in seeing people because of the New York move so it was a good thing in and of itself to see Cathy, particularly because an earlier trip this year had to be cancelled because of car problems. She was going to be invaluable not just as cook, cleaner, baby sitter and dog walker but also she is one of the few people J will actually listen to when being told to rest.
The day came and we left for the hopsital at 6.30am so we could be the first one there. It seemed to pay off because he was taken in quickly. I wandered into Harlow to find some breakfast - the place has never looked so bleak as it did then. The 1950s design for the centre is grim and although on a busy Saturday it feels a bit more alive, at that time it felt like the set of some B-movie with the zombies just about to spring out.
I tried to kill time but there is only so much time I could sit in MacDonalds so I went back to the hospital and just waited in the room. I heard a few people complaining about how long it was taking and I heard the name of J's surgeon as being the slow one. I prepared myself for a long wait but actually at 1230 he called me himself to tell me to bring the car to pick him up. It turned out that the reason for the delay was J's operation had taken 2 hours.
He was hugely relieved to be back home and see Harriet. To be fair she did acknowledge him before returning to the important task that was fully absorbing her at that time.
Time will tell if the operation was successful but the initial signs are positive. It is immobilised at an angle and yet he can still feel his fingers, which he cannot do with the other arm that is yet to be operated on.
Cathy and the boys have been a great boon and we ate very well. They took the dogs out every day and it must have been some relief for Billy to have some company. Their dog is so tall that he makes Billy look quite dainty. Friday night is pizza night and Sarah Cowls came round early to enjoy more Harriet time.
It was a full house but on Saturday morning we were back to just three of us. The real test that is coming is Monday.
As for the New York move we are now fully engaged with the immigration lawyers. I have been photocopying and emailing all my certificates and filling out lots of forms. It is not a time for modesty - I have specific instructions to sell myself, which is a bit tricky for someone so naturally modest but I just had to ask the question "What would an American say?" and it all starts to flow.
Once we have a date at the embassy things will really start to feel like they're happening.
So a hard week ahead most likely but my parents are coming on Friday to have some Harriet time so there is good news at the end of the week. We just have to keep going and hopefully in no time at all we will be looking at the Empire State building and dealing with a very different set of doctors and lawyers.
The next day was the day J finally went into hospital. It's been a very long road of going for test after test, none of which showed any definitive cause for the pain he has had in both arms (not in itself a bad thing and he has had a full MRI that came back clear which is nice to have). Finally his surgeon and he decided to go for the option that had always seemed the most likely - an operation to re-site the nerve.
This could not come at a worse time frankly. We want to move continents and start surrogacy again. Our current accommodation in London is fine but hardly ideal for our family and I am working extremely long hours (the main problem with the current house is that the playroom is open-plan onto the kitchen and the baby-fencing we have used to keep her in is no longer safe because she can climb over it).
The good bit of news was that his sister was coming later on Tuesday. There is a sense of urgency in seeing people because of the New York move so it was a good thing in and of itself to see Cathy, particularly because an earlier trip this year had to be cancelled because of car problems. She was going to be invaluable not just as cook, cleaner, baby sitter and dog walker but also she is one of the few people J will actually listen to when being told to rest.
The day came and we left for the hopsital at 6.30am so we could be the first one there. It seemed to pay off because he was taken in quickly. I wandered into Harlow to find some breakfast - the place has never looked so bleak as it did then. The 1950s design for the centre is grim and although on a busy Saturday it feels a bit more alive, at that time it felt like the set of some B-movie with the zombies just about to spring out.
I tried to kill time but there is only so much time I could sit in MacDonalds so I went back to the hospital and just waited in the room. I heard a few people complaining about how long it was taking and I heard the name of J's surgeon as being the slow one. I prepared myself for a long wait but actually at 1230 he called me himself to tell me to bring the car to pick him up. It turned out that the reason for the delay was J's operation had taken 2 hours.
He was hugely relieved to be back home and see Harriet. To be fair she did acknowledge him before returning to the important task that was fully absorbing her at that time.
Time will tell if the operation was successful but the initial signs are positive. It is immobilised at an angle and yet he can still feel his fingers, which he cannot do with the other arm that is yet to be operated on.
Cathy and the boys have been a great boon and we ate very well. They took the dogs out every day and it must have been some relief for Billy to have some company. Their dog is so tall that he makes Billy look quite dainty. Friday night is pizza night and Sarah Cowls came round early to enjoy more Harriet time.
It was a full house but on Saturday morning we were back to just three of us. The real test that is coming is Monday.
As for the New York move we are now fully engaged with the immigration lawyers. I have been photocopying and emailing all my certificates and filling out lots of forms. It is not a time for modesty - I have specific instructions to sell myself, which is a bit tricky for someone so naturally modest but I just had to ask the question "What would an American say?" and it all starts to flow.
Once we have a date at the embassy things will really start to feel like they're happening.
So a hard week ahead most likely but my parents are coming on Friday to have some Harriet time so there is good news at the end of the week. We just have to keep going and hopefully in no time at all we will be looking at the Empire State building and dealing with a very different set of doctors and lawyers.
Sunday 24 October 2010
New York
The last two weeks have been extremely stressful. I can't go into too much detail about it because it is an internal CS matter but suffice to say it was a major exercise we had been gearing up to all year. The difficulty for me came from the fact that whereas I was originally supposed to play a peripheral role the focus was changed the week before to bring my group much more into the spotlight. In one meeting I was originally expected to speak for one hour at the end of a three hour session but in fact I became the main event in a four hour slog and had to attend virtually all the meetings anyway.
I have been sleeping extremely badly and even started to come out in spots because of the stress. It's over for the moment so some calm should return except for the small matter of our New York move.
We have planned to move to the US for many years. We spent so much time there preparing for Harriet and holidaying there and grew to love it. Since we want to do surrogacy again it makes more sense to be based there and enjoy all the legal certainty it gives us. In an ideal world it would be somewhere on the west coast but in reality it is more likely to be near the major financial centre of New York.
The first challenge to overcome was selling Field View and we all know how smoothly that went. Then with the departmental reorganisation I became the head of the quant group so I had to work on establishing the new group. For Credit Suisse it makes more sense for me to be based in London because that way I can cover the US and Asia but for me it makes more sense to be based in New York.
My approval request has been signed off at the highest level in the Strategic Risk Management group and in the current climate that is how far it has to go. The sticking point had become the cost but on investigation it turned out that they perferred it to go in the 2010 budget rather than 2011. So the relocation request is being expedited - I have even seen an email that sets November 12th as the target date. That is too optimistic I hope but we are aiming for a very quick move.
I'll post more details as it goes along. I expect that the next stage is the wait for a US visa appointment.
I have been sleeping extremely badly and even started to come out in spots because of the stress. It's over for the moment so some calm should return except for the small matter of our New York move.
We have planned to move to the US for many years. We spent so much time there preparing for Harriet and holidaying there and grew to love it. Since we want to do surrogacy again it makes more sense to be based there and enjoy all the legal certainty it gives us. In an ideal world it would be somewhere on the west coast but in reality it is more likely to be near the major financial centre of New York.
The first challenge to overcome was selling Field View and we all know how smoothly that went. Then with the departmental reorganisation I became the head of the quant group so I had to work on establishing the new group. For Credit Suisse it makes more sense for me to be based in London because that way I can cover the US and Asia but for me it makes more sense to be based in New York.
My approval request has been signed off at the highest level in the Strategic Risk Management group and in the current climate that is how far it has to go. The sticking point had become the cost but on investigation it turned out that they perferred it to go in the 2010 budget rather than 2011. So the relocation request is being expedited - I have even seen an email that sets November 12th as the target date. That is too optimistic I hope but we are aiming for a very quick move.
I'll post more details as it goes along. I expect that the next stage is the wait for a US visa appointment.
Sunday 19 September 2010
Live and Let Live
My colleague spends some of his free time watching instructional videos that are produced by American religious groups to try to debunk the theory of evolution. It cannot be a lot of fun and I tend to look bemused when he tells me about them ("If evolution is true why is there no croco-duck - an animal half-way between a crocodile and a duck?"). Why bother I ask since you know what they are going to say and are just going to wind yourself up?
He's right of course that you need to know the opposing view accurately if you are going to respond as he does in his own articles. It is also a matter of extreme importance that children are educated properly and I fear there are many in the US and possibly many in this country who are being taught nonsense.
In a sense he is an aggressive atheist but he is a member of the scientific orthodoxy that is very far from the staw man the Pope attacked. Learned bodies and scientists rarely speak in absolutes because if they know anything it is how little they know. Cornerstone theories of science such as Quantum Mechanics appear almost supernatural and the standard model of particle theory remains still open to debate despite the massive amount of tunnelling we have been doing under Switzerland.
Faith and scientific endeavour should sit as well together as they have done for thousands of years. There is an ebb and flow as natural cycles progress. Once upon a time we depended on the Muslims in North Africa to preserve and develop our knowledge of science and mathematics while Europe was in the dark ages. Without them there would not have been the renaissance in the way that we knew it.
One of the great dangers of scientific work is that it exposes us to things that perhaps it would be better that we didn't know. The physics of the atom is all well and good but it will have done us no help in the end if nuclear weapons massacre billions.
I believe that everyone needs a moral compass and ultimately some sort of belief system. That system will be reasoned up to a point but really we will never get away from sometimes just feeling uneasy with something or accepting a logical paradox. The Abrahamic religions certainly can provide some of that. My favourite part of the New Testament is Jesus' command: 'let he who is without sin cast the first stone'. If that lesson could be rammed down the throats of the Iranian leaders and made to guide their behaviour it would be a better place.
That said, while I am comfortable with some people's interpretation of Catholocism I am much less keen on this Pope. The prohibition of artificial contraception is insane and while it is widely ignored in the West must condemn millions to suffering elsewhere. Population control is going to be an essential part of ensuring that the human race has a future on this planet in a recognisable form. There are other parts of his teaching too that I profoundly dislike but these have been well enough documented during this week so you can fill in the gap here yourself.
My biggest worry is that there is a new aggressive form of religious dogma that will come to dominate. We have already endured eight years of George Bush and the thought of Sarah Palin makes me shudder. Our own government, which I broadly support, is going to give more and more control over schools to fragmented groups and I do not welcome the creation of faith schools.
So coming back to the start and my despair at Richard provoking himself with his opponent's videos I admit to an immediate sympathy with those who think we should leave the Pope's visit alone. They call Dawkins, Hitchens et. al 'militant' or 'fundamentalist' atheists. But the more I have thought about it the more I see the need to speak up and speak up loudly for my own beliefs. The things that have made me smile this year such as gay marriage in Mexico, Argentina and Portugal, are fragile and could be gone in an instant. The legions who think that Jay and I should not be parents stand ready to enforce their morality.
The croco-duck is always waiting in the wings.
He's right of course that you need to know the opposing view accurately if you are going to respond as he does in his own articles. It is also a matter of extreme importance that children are educated properly and I fear there are many in the US and possibly many in this country who are being taught nonsense.
In a sense he is an aggressive atheist but he is a member of the scientific orthodoxy that is very far from the staw man the Pope attacked. Learned bodies and scientists rarely speak in absolutes because if they know anything it is how little they know. Cornerstone theories of science such as Quantum Mechanics appear almost supernatural and the standard model of particle theory remains still open to debate despite the massive amount of tunnelling we have been doing under Switzerland.
Faith and scientific endeavour should sit as well together as they have done for thousands of years. There is an ebb and flow as natural cycles progress. Once upon a time we depended on the Muslims in North Africa to preserve and develop our knowledge of science and mathematics while Europe was in the dark ages. Without them there would not have been the renaissance in the way that we knew it.
One of the great dangers of scientific work is that it exposes us to things that perhaps it would be better that we didn't know. The physics of the atom is all well and good but it will have done us no help in the end if nuclear weapons massacre billions.
I believe that everyone needs a moral compass and ultimately some sort of belief system. That system will be reasoned up to a point but really we will never get away from sometimes just feeling uneasy with something or accepting a logical paradox. The Abrahamic religions certainly can provide some of that. My favourite part of the New Testament is Jesus' command: 'let he who is without sin cast the first stone'. If that lesson could be rammed down the throats of the Iranian leaders and made to guide their behaviour it would be a better place.
That said, while I am comfortable with some people's interpretation of Catholocism I am much less keen on this Pope. The prohibition of artificial contraception is insane and while it is widely ignored in the West must condemn millions to suffering elsewhere. Population control is going to be an essential part of ensuring that the human race has a future on this planet in a recognisable form. There are other parts of his teaching too that I profoundly dislike but these have been well enough documented during this week so you can fill in the gap here yourself.
My biggest worry is that there is a new aggressive form of religious dogma that will come to dominate. We have already endured eight years of George Bush and the thought of Sarah Palin makes me shudder. Our own government, which I broadly support, is going to give more and more control over schools to fragmented groups and I do not welcome the creation of faith schools.
So coming back to the start and my despair at Richard provoking himself with his opponent's videos I admit to an immediate sympathy with those who think we should leave the Pope's visit alone. They call Dawkins, Hitchens et. al 'militant' or 'fundamentalist' atheists. But the more I have thought about it the more I see the need to speak up and speak up loudly for my own beliefs. The things that have made me smile this year such as gay marriage in Mexico, Argentina and Portugal, are fragile and could be gone in an instant. The legions who think that Jay and I should not be parents stand ready to enforce their morality.
The croco-duck is always waiting in the wings.
Saturday 4 September 2010
A Night Out In New York
After my little trip to Central Park I came back and played World of Warcraft. It was really nice to go on a Friday night raid and finish at 6pm with a whole evening ahead of me. I decided to force myself to go out on, leave room service behind and eat in a proper restaurant. I picked the East of Eight bistro that I had walked past a few times.
Completely out of character I had soup to start. Well, a crab bisque but I thought it prudent since Americans really don't do starters very well. You tend to get something of the same size as the main course and it is a bit overwhelming. The restaurant was hardly packed (most people I think had chosen the outside option) and got more and more quiet and soon there was only me and one other table with two women left. My main, duck with strawberries, was delicious but I was somewhat non-plussed when I heard the waiter humming "All By Myself".
I was ready just to slip off home but forced myself to go for one drink. I went back to the Gym bar that I had been to previously. It's a gay sports bar, which means it has lots of TV screens showing football and football news. I actually just wanted one human being to talk to me whom I hadn't paid to bring me food or drinks but it was noisy and everyone was there with friends.
So far it had been a disaster and to try to rescue it I decided I, yes I, would go to a club. I picked Splash since it seemed to be popular. It was hilarious. This is New York but seriously the place looked like it belonged in a small town in the back of beyond. The music was , well it's hard to describe - think Bon Jovi (!!) followed by Lady Gaga. It was early though and once it started to get busy the music turned to the random series of noises that people seem to like. I would have given anything to have Bon Jovi back.
The pole dancers and bar staff were a bunch of refugees from Abercrombie and Fitch, which was good but I decided that I had spent long enough reminding myself why I didn't like this kind of thing. So it was back up fifth avenue and off to bed for four hours sleep before heading out to JFK.
Completely out of character I had soup to start. Well, a crab bisque but I thought it prudent since Americans really don't do starters very well. You tend to get something of the same size as the main course and it is a bit overwhelming. The restaurant was hardly packed (most people I think had chosen the outside option) and got more and more quiet and soon there was only me and one other table with two women left. My main, duck with strawberries, was delicious but I was somewhat non-plussed when I heard the waiter humming "All By Myself".
I was ready just to slip off home but forced myself to go for one drink. I went back to the Gym bar that I had been to previously. It's a gay sports bar, which means it has lots of TV screens showing football and football news. I actually just wanted one human being to talk to me whom I hadn't paid to bring me food or drinks but it was noisy and everyone was there with friends.
So far it had been a disaster and to try to rescue it I decided I, yes I, would go to a club. I picked Splash since it seemed to be popular. It was hilarious. This is New York but seriously the place looked like it belonged in a small town in the back of beyond. The music was , well it's hard to describe - think Bon Jovi (!!) followed by Lady Gaga. It was early though and once it started to get busy the music turned to the random series of noises that people seem to like. I would have given anything to have Bon Jovi back.
The pole dancers and bar staff were a bunch of refugees from Abercrombie and Fitch, which was good but I decided that I had spent long enough reminding myself why I didn't like this kind of thing. So it was back up fifth avenue and off to bed for four hours sleep before heading out to JFK.
Friday 3 September 2010
The View From Central Park
It's the Labor Day holiday on Monday so the office is in wind-down mode. Even our fearsome COO was in casual dress and so I sloped off to see some of the sights. Since I've never been to Central Park I decided to head uptown.
There is a little girl playing in front of me. She's a bit older than Harriet but not by much. She's running up and down the rocks in defiance of her exasperated mother. Every time she is coaxed down she runs away again. I doubt Jay would welcome the comparison with her (she's wearing a top that looks like a pub carpet and silver flip-flops) but a little bit of me is pretending that this is our family.
I hope we get to live in Manhattan. I'm not much fussed about living in Central London and the neighbours from hell notwithstanding I liked living 30 miles out in Hertfordshire. But New York is still too new and I want to be right in the thick of it.
Ah, the woman has triumphed and caught hold of the girl. After an almighty racket she's in her stroller and they're off.
This evening I will go out for a meal and try for a drink. I haven't been motivated to do much because it's not much fun on your own. The New York office is much less social than the London office and even that is nothing compared to Singapore.
Last night though so I have to make the effort. Tomorrow I get to see my family again - Harriet has learned to say Pops and though I have heard it on the phone I can't wait to hear it in person.
There is a little girl playing in front of me. She's a bit older than Harriet but not by much. She's running up and down the rocks in defiance of her exasperated mother. Every time she is coaxed down she runs away again. I doubt Jay would welcome the comparison with her (she's wearing a top that looks like a pub carpet and silver flip-flops) but a little bit of me is pretending that this is our family.
I hope we get to live in Manhattan. I'm not much fussed about living in Central London and the neighbours from hell notwithstanding I liked living 30 miles out in Hertfordshire. But New York is still too new and I want to be right in the thick of it.
Ah, the woman has triumphed and caught hold of the girl. After an almighty racket she's in her stroller and they're off.
This evening I will go out for a meal and try for a drink. I haven't been motivated to do much because it's not much fun on your own. The New York office is much less social than the London office and even that is nothing compared to Singapore.
Last night though so I have to make the effort. Tomorrow I get to see my family again - Harriet has learned to say Pops and though I have heard it on the phone I can't wait to hear it in person.
Tuesday 31 August 2010
Some New York Notes
The last time I was here it was December and I thought I might freeze. This time heat exhaustion is the threat to avoid. Except that is, in the hotel room - when I arrived last night I was so tired I crashed asleep but later woke up rather cold. I was in a groggy state so just piled on the bed clothes to keep me warm rather than get up and hunt for the air-conditioning control.
The New York office, Eleven Maddison Avenue, is much grander than the London office. It is the grand old building you expect of New York, all marble severity with high ceilings. London by contrast was built early on in the Canary Wharf development and has a cheap, functional feel to it.
People are pleased to see me. They don't see many quants in the risk division and as word has spread of my arrival my calendar has quickly filled up.
To stop myself going to bed too early I went for a wander tonight. I was looking for somewhere to eat and perhaps a drink but I was too hot to be bothered eating. I did have a pint in a sports bar called gym because my city guide described it as a normal, friendly place but it was too noisy so I left after one. I took the easy option and headed back to the hotel bar.
I have seen plenty of dogs, including a West Highland White. This is a dog city and soon I hope Pip and Billy will be walking those streets with me.
There is plenty of bonkers stuff going on too. Weird dance classes on the sidewalk and groups meditating in the park. Lots of people walking down the street shouting into their cell phones their current location.
Maybe I've lived in London too long to notice stuff. It's a comparable place in many ways but I look at New York only as an outsider. The dullest little street catches my eye because it looks just like something out of a movie.
Yet some of it I certainly notice is dull. The subway with its boring letters and numbers is no match for the beauty of taking the Bakerloo line to Elephant and Castle. The fact that the Bakerloo line is terrible and E&C an eyesore is neither here nor there. There are just some things the Brits do better than the earnest yanks.
Enough for now. Bed calls and tomorrow I'm up before internal audit. Some things are just the same wherever you might be.
The New York office, Eleven Maddison Avenue, is much grander than the London office. It is the grand old building you expect of New York, all marble severity with high ceilings. London by contrast was built early on in the Canary Wharf development and has a cheap, functional feel to it.
People are pleased to see me. They don't see many quants in the risk division and as word has spread of my arrival my calendar has quickly filled up.
To stop myself going to bed too early I went for a wander tonight. I was looking for somewhere to eat and perhaps a drink but I was too hot to be bothered eating. I did have a pint in a sports bar called gym because my city guide described it as a normal, friendly place but it was too noisy so I left after one. I took the easy option and headed back to the hotel bar.
I have seen plenty of dogs, including a West Highland White. This is a dog city and soon I hope Pip and Billy will be walking those streets with me.
There is plenty of bonkers stuff going on too. Weird dance classes on the sidewalk and groups meditating in the park. Lots of people walking down the street shouting into their cell phones their current location.
Maybe I've lived in London too long to notice stuff. It's a comparable place in many ways but I look at New York only as an outsider. The dullest little street catches my eye because it looks just like something out of a movie.
Yet some of it I certainly notice is dull. The subway with its boring letters and numbers is no match for the beauty of taking the Bakerloo line to Elephant and Castle. The fact that the Bakerloo line is terrible and E&C an eyesore is neither here nor there. There are just some things the Brits do better than the earnest yanks.
Enough for now. Bed calls and tomorrow I'm up before internal audit. Some things are just the same wherever you might be.
Sunday 27 June 2010
Swings and Roundabouts
We had planned to go to the seaside but had to abandon that because we had an appointment to sell the Discovery. After so long of being a four vehicle household we are now down to a single car and relieved because of it. We don't even like moving the one we've got lest we lose the ideal parking space in front of the house.
So today we took the Central Line out west to Lancaster Gate, home for so long of the English Football Association. It was a scorching hot day and the day of reckoning for England in the World Cup.
Cards on the table: I'm a Scot so not much interested in seeing England win but this has been my home for twelve years and I am equally not interested in seeing them lose. If Corporate Financiers are over-paid then footballers certainly are but they do pay a price of public intrusion and instant judgement that the bankers' could not handle.
Anyway off we wandered into the park. We found a shady spot by the Serpentine and gave Harriet her lunch. She has become quite the fan of cheese and is even allowing cold food like fromage-frais.
Next stop was lunch for us in a decent little pavement cafe in Knightsbridge. Apparently they were all out of Peroni (they had a TV inside and were showing the matches) so I was forced to develop my palate with a malty Italian beer I'd never had before.
We then headed back into the park and headed to the children's playground. It was a joy to see Harriet interact so confidently with the other children and copy what they were doing. The sun was merciless though and we decided to see if her new found tolerance of cold food extended to ice creams. It went ok but I suspect she was mainly interested in playing with it than eating it but still we enjoyed ours.
So at least if she reads this she will know that her first time on the swings was today and she loved it.
In the middle of Hyde Park we heard a cheer go up. Twitter gave the score as 2-1. Well, they still have a chance.
But soon we gave in to the heat and headed home. First a toilet stop for me; 3-1. Then J: 4-1.
We returned home. Two doors down one of our neighbours has decorated their house in England flags. They arrived at the same time as us (about 5.30) looking dejected and worn out.
We've had a great day but for the rest of the country it has been less so. Still, Harriet has a couple of passports and a rich heritage so she should never be short of a reason to be cheerful. After all it's only a game - isn't it?
So today we took the Central Line out west to Lancaster Gate, home for so long of the English Football Association. It was a scorching hot day and the day of reckoning for England in the World Cup.
Cards on the table: I'm a Scot so not much interested in seeing England win but this has been my home for twelve years and I am equally not interested in seeing them lose. If Corporate Financiers are over-paid then footballers certainly are but they do pay a price of public intrusion and instant judgement that the bankers' could not handle.
Anyway off we wandered into the park. We found a shady spot by the Serpentine and gave Harriet her lunch. She has become quite the fan of cheese and is even allowing cold food like fromage-frais.
Next stop was lunch for us in a decent little pavement cafe in Knightsbridge. Apparently they were all out of Peroni (they had a TV inside and were showing the matches) so I was forced to develop my palate with a malty Italian beer I'd never had before.
We then headed back into the park and headed to the children's playground. It was a joy to see Harriet interact so confidently with the other children and copy what they were doing. The sun was merciless though and we decided to see if her new found tolerance of cold food extended to ice creams. It went ok but I suspect she was mainly interested in playing with it than eating it but still we enjoyed ours.
So at least if she reads this she will know that her first time on the swings was today and she loved it.
In the middle of Hyde Park we heard a cheer go up. Twitter gave the score as 2-1. Well, they still have a chance.
But soon we gave in to the heat and headed home. First a toilet stop for me; 3-1. Then J: 4-1.
We returned home. Two doors down one of our neighbours has decorated their house in England flags. They arrived at the same time as us (about 5.30) looking dejected and worn out.
We've had a great day but for the rest of the country it has been less so. Still, Harriet has a couple of passports and a rich heritage so she should never be short of a reason to be cheerful. After all it's only a game - isn't it?
Wednesday 16 June 2010
So Long, Farewell
The alarm sounded at 5am and we reluctantly got up. Even Harriet was none too thrilled at the early start to the day but we had to return the RV to Oakland by 11am so there was nothing for it.
The return journey was pretty straightforward and the check out procedure at the RV depot was smooth too. We had done only 887 miles and so even qualified for a refund on the 1200 miles we had bought.
At ten past eleven we were crossing the Bay Bridge and returning to the place where it all began. Never will I tire of seeing the city pull closer into sight. If Belinda Carlisle was right then this is where it would be.
Thanks to a few emails in Yosemite we arrived in the hotel to find a package waiting for us. This contained a replacement spare wheel plus an additional spare set just to be safe. We were mobile again.
So off we went, down the familiar route of Market to the Ferry Terminal building then round to Pier 39 and the Wipe-Out restaurant - a real favourite of ours since we first came six years ago.
A great piece of luck was the fact that it was Tuesday so we could go to another Castro Dads. After doing some saltwater taffy shopping in Fishermans Wharf we took one of the F line streetcars down to the Castro.
Apart from Kevin it was a different group this week and so we could retell our story and hear some new ones. This is the sort of group we need especially for Harriet when she's older -the children really enjoy it although they prefer to keep their own company outside and leave the Dads to talk.
It will also provide fodder for my latest book idea about a group of gay dads bringing up their families in a major conurbation - there will be six children and it is provisionally titled Six in the City ;-)
I'm running a bit ahead of myself I know but you can see why wannabe authors would hang around groups like this because you hear some amazing stories.
We met one couple who had just adopted a 12 year old from one of the more socially conservative places in Northern California. The machinations of the social workers and the foster parents left us slack-jawed. The boy himself is as happy and bright as you could ever wish for and confident enough to give us a Shakespeare recitation. Another Dad had a much more difficult time with his home country of Belgium than we had with the British Home Office.
It's also a place to discuss how to handle the questions we get asked so regularly by other people such as 'where is the mother'. When discussing people's assumptions one Dad trumped us in indignitation: he says that he is usually assumed to be the nanny! He is actually a stay-home Dad and his partner and he have just come back from a holiday in Ireland without the children. It was the first time he had off from his 24-7 job.
I'm sure he found it tough to be away from them but holidays do come to an end. This one pretty much has. This morning we will have breakfast and then soak up our last few hours in San Francisco before flying home.
This holiday blog will end here. I'll spare you the blow by blow details about the flight because I'm sure we all know how it's going to go. It's been such a great pleasure to be here as a family and to spend every day with them uninterrupted.
These days will always be most treasured memories.
The return journey was pretty straightforward and the check out procedure at the RV depot was smooth too. We had done only 887 miles and so even qualified for a refund on the 1200 miles we had bought.
At ten past eleven we were crossing the Bay Bridge and returning to the place where it all began. Never will I tire of seeing the city pull closer into sight. If Belinda Carlisle was right then this is where it would be.
Thanks to a few emails in Yosemite we arrived in the hotel to find a package waiting for us. This contained a replacement spare wheel plus an additional spare set just to be safe. We were mobile again.
So off we went, down the familiar route of Market to the Ferry Terminal building then round to Pier 39 and the Wipe-Out restaurant - a real favourite of ours since we first came six years ago.
A great piece of luck was the fact that it was Tuesday so we could go to another Castro Dads. After doing some saltwater taffy shopping in Fishermans Wharf we took one of the F line streetcars down to the Castro.
Apart from Kevin it was a different group this week and so we could retell our story and hear some new ones. This is the sort of group we need especially for Harriet when she's older -the children really enjoy it although they prefer to keep their own company outside and leave the Dads to talk.
It will also provide fodder for my latest book idea about a group of gay dads bringing up their families in a major conurbation - there will be six children and it is provisionally titled Six in the City ;-)
I'm running a bit ahead of myself I know but you can see why wannabe authors would hang around groups like this because you hear some amazing stories.
We met one couple who had just adopted a 12 year old from one of the more socially conservative places in Northern California. The machinations of the social workers and the foster parents left us slack-jawed. The boy himself is as happy and bright as you could ever wish for and confident enough to give us a Shakespeare recitation. Another Dad had a much more difficult time with his home country of Belgium than we had with the British Home Office.
It's also a place to discuss how to handle the questions we get asked so regularly by other people such as 'where is the mother'. When discussing people's assumptions one Dad trumped us in indignitation: he says that he is usually assumed to be the nanny! He is actually a stay-home Dad and his partner and he have just come back from a holiday in Ireland without the children. It was the first time he had off from his 24-7 job.
I'm sure he found it tough to be away from them but holidays do come to an end. This one pretty much has. This morning we will have breakfast and then soak up our last few hours in San Francisco before flying home.
This holiday blog will end here. I'll spare you the blow by blow details about the flight because I'm sure we all know how it's going to go. It's been such a great pleasure to be here as a family and to spend every day with them uninterrupted.
These days will always be most treasured memories.
Monday 14 June 2010
A Last Hurrah
It is now the third morning in a row I have been climbing the slide. I can recall it perfectly.
Yosemite on the other hand is a harder ask. Although we were there two days ago our visit today felt like it was fresh. Superficially we knew the roads and some of the layout but that felt very two dimensional compared to the glory of walking in the place.
We started off at Bridalveil Falls. It took an age to get a parking space but it was worth it. The falls were amazing and you get up close and personal with them - in other words soaked! It was such a hot day (fire risk was high compared to moderate on the previous visit) so actually quite refreshing.
We then parked at the old church and walked across to Yosemite Falls - using the bridge unlike the bear. Alas there were no bear sightings today and no mountain lions either. Since we were without pushchair Harriet travelled in the back-pack which got as many curious looks there as it does back home (hopefully spare wheels will be waiting for us at the hotel in San Francisco if all goes according to plan).
After a stop at one of North America's best burger joints (seriously, it's quite good) we finally visited the visitor centre.
We then had one last stroll and tried to absorb as much of the place as we could. Really we should have visited before now because it is such a breathtaking place and holidays in the future are going to be more about the slides and the swimming pools than hikes and scenery. Still, we can always combine them as we have for the past four days here. In fact the only thing that will change is the RV is just going to get bigger as we hopefully accommodate more children and expand to meet the needs of the one we've got.
The measure of the success of this trip is there for all to see. Our daughter has ruined three pairs of jeans as she has played in playgrounds, firepits and and every bit of dirt and gravel she could find. The red wine lies undrunk because it has been just too damned hot to contemplate (yours truly bought all the beer they had in the store yesterday although if you are my sister reading this then these were ginger beers of course).
The ultimate measure of the success is that we don't want to pack up tomorrow. However, to steal a phrase from the wise ruler of this place: 'We'll be back'.
Yosemite on the other hand is a harder ask. Although we were there two days ago our visit today felt like it was fresh. Superficially we knew the roads and some of the layout but that felt very two dimensional compared to the glory of walking in the place.
We started off at Bridalveil Falls. It took an age to get a parking space but it was worth it. The falls were amazing and you get up close and personal with them - in other words soaked! It was such a hot day (fire risk was high compared to moderate on the previous visit) so actually quite refreshing.
We then parked at the old church and walked across to Yosemite Falls - using the bridge unlike the bear. Alas there were no bear sightings today and no mountain lions either. Since we were without pushchair Harriet travelled in the back-pack which got as many curious looks there as it does back home (hopefully spare wheels will be waiting for us at the hotel in San Francisco if all goes according to plan).
After a stop at one of North America's best burger joints (seriously, it's quite good) we finally visited the visitor centre.
We then had one last stroll and tried to absorb as much of the place as we could. Really we should have visited before now because it is such a breathtaking place and holidays in the future are going to be more about the slides and the swimming pools than hikes and scenery. Still, we can always combine them as we have for the past four days here. In fact the only thing that will change is the RV is just going to get bigger as we hopefully accommodate more children and expand to meet the needs of the one we've got.
The measure of the success of this trip is there for all to see. Our daughter has ruined three pairs of jeans as she has played in playgrounds, firepits and and every bit of dirt and gravel she could find. The red wine lies undrunk because it has been just too damned hot to contemplate (yours truly bought all the beer they had in the store yesterday although if you are my sister reading this then these were ginger beers of course).
The ultimate measure of the success is that we don't want to pack up tomorrow. However, to steal a phrase from the wise ruler of this place: 'We'll be back'.
Winding Down
We are approaching the end of our stay here in California. The cupboards are becoming bare so an emergency trip to the campsite shop was called for.
Other than that it was a rerun of yesterday with many trips up and down the slide and playing on our pitch. Tomorrow we will return to Yosemite to finish with a bang.
Other than that it was a rerun of yesterday with many trips up and down the slide and playing on our pitch. Tomorrow we will return to Yosemite to finish with a bang.
Saturday 12 June 2010
Attack of the Llamas!!!
Now I realise that yesterday's blog took a little while to get going and some may not have managed to make it to the arrival of the bear so I have decided to jazz things up with the title and get straight to the animals.
Well, I've taken a bit of creative licence here. It's true we met two Llamas but they were in the petting zoo within our campsite and they didn't attack, they just came to us hoping for some food.
Today you see was a day for Harriet. Yosemite may be majestic but she spent much of it in a push-chair and J spent much of it driving. Today the RV has moved not an inch although I have been moving more than most days - up and down the steps to the top of the slide mainly.
Two glorious weeks I have off and it makes such a difference being away from it all. I get to notice everything and see her progress. She has been so reluctant to walk recently but today marked a real change - she decided she wanted to play in a fire pit and without thinking much about it she just strode right out. She has been climbing into the RV and up the steps of the play structure. Every meal has been scoffed and every bottle sunk but almost a terrible sight was seeing her sitting in the playground drinking her juice out of her own cup - looking so grown up and independent.
The other boon to this campsite (apart from the petting zoo and the bizarre tractor tours they do) is the swimming pool. It's not quite so inviting as it looks because it is not heated so there was a definite shudder when she went in. Still she and J had a whale of a time larking about in the water.
Not everyone is supportive of us. It's not overt hostility but we have both noticed that people will talk to us individually but when the other appears they withdraw. Chatty Americans become hushed or silent.
When it happens it really makes me tense and I feel ready, just so ready to pounce on them if they dare vocalise their opposition. I care little, if anything, for what people think of me but the collateral damage taking in an innocent child infuriates me beyond all belief (when it's their problem, not ours).
All of which makes it just the more perfect when the elderly man comes across to us at the pool's edge where we are changing her. "I remember those days" he says and walks off into the pool chuckling.
When we left the pool area an elderly American woman who had been avoiding eye contact looked straight at us and spoke: "You're really great Dads".
We feel on top of the world and even those menacing llamas couldn't chase away that feeling.
Well, I've taken a bit of creative licence here. It's true we met two Llamas but they were in the petting zoo within our campsite and they didn't attack, they just came to us hoping for some food.
Today you see was a day for Harriet. Yosemite may be majestic but she spent much of it in a push-chair and J spent much of it driving. Today the RV has moved not an inch although I have been moving more than most days - up and down the steps to the top of the slide mainly.
Two glorious weeks I have off and it makes such a difference being away from it all. I get to notice everything and see her progress. She has been so reluctant to walk recently but today marked a real change - she decided she wanted to play in a fire pit and without thinking much about it she just strode right out. She has been climbing into the RV and up the steps of the play structure. Every meal has been scoffed and every bottle sunk but almost a terrible sight was seeing her sitting in the playground drinking her juice out of her own cup - looking so grown up and independent.
The other boon to this campsite (apart from the petting zoo and the bizarre tractor tours they do) is the swimming pool. It's not quite so inviting as it looks because it is not heated so there was a definite shudder when she went in. Still she and J had a whale of a time larking about in the water.
Not everyone is supportive of us. It's not overt hostility but we have both noticed that people will talk to us individually but when the other appears they withdraw. Chatty Americans become hushed or silent.
When it happens it really makes me tense and I feel ready, just so ready to pounce on them if they dare vocalise their opposition. I care little, if anything, for what people think of me but the collateral damage taking in an innocent child infuriates me beyond all belief (when it's their problem, not ours).
All of which makes it just the more perfect when the elderly man comes across to us at the pool's edge where we are changing her. "I remember those days" he says and walks off into the pool chuckling.
When we left the pool area an elderly American woman who had been avoiding eye contact looked straight at us and spoke: "You're really great Dads".
We feel on top of the world and even those menacing llamas couldn't chase away that feeling.
Friday 11 June 2010
The Value of Nothing
Inflation is the greatest friend of debtors and the enemy of savers. Its single-minded purpose is to erode the value of assets and so makes it more difficult for the people of today to relate to the past. Recall the great scene in Austin Powers when Dr Evil, recently awakened from cryogenic freeze, demands 'one million dollars' as a ransom, little realising that this is no longer such as a vast sum of money.
Of course we can try to talk in 'today's money' but that is somewhat arbitrary and becomes out of date itself. Money is a confidence trick so if you want to protect yourself against it you need something that people will always want everywhere in the world.
In other words you want gold - highly prized throughout the ages because it is easy to work with in jewellery, non reactive and straightforward to identify. Inflation and government fiscal policy can go to Hell, human beings are always going to want gold.
Which of course is what brought non-indigenous people to California in the first place and Yosemite, our destination today, in particular.
And what a place of magnificent treasure it is. There are still parts of Yosemite that command a dollar value (since even gold has its price) including its trees, the minerals and more recently water and hydroelectric power.
But the staggering scale and beauty of the place are beyond value. Almost wherever you stand and gaze, whether at granite mountains, crashing waterfalls or giant trees you will feel exactly like everyone who has stood in that spot. You don't need anyone to translate into 1930s awe - it is the same today.
That's not to say its not changing. It is changing on a geological time scale of course but the thundering waterflows are shaping the place as you watch them. Neither is it a paradise - there are too many of us swarming about for that - but it is special place and my overriding feeling was that I could not take it all in.
I am reading 'The Behaviour of Moths' by Poppy Adams at the moment. The main character could no doubt see hundreds of distinct lives in every square foot and I feel quite the dullard that most of the life, the insects and plants, just pass me by. I can notice the deer with their amazing antlers wandering a few feet from us and the ever present squirrels (the pigeons of Yosemite). I could even notice a bear but we wouldn't be 'lucky' enough to run into one of those surely?
Here's the thing though: we had a disaster with the push-chair when one of the wheels snapped off. So we had to carry the chair back along the path and the beauty of Yosemite was replaced bt a sense of profound irritation. We stopped so J could take his pain-killers for his arms and because of that delay he saw it.
The bear was on the other side of the river and slipped into the water. It glided at speed, looking like a brown, furry crocodile. J was taking photos as quickly as he could and retraced our steps to get closer. An Asian family started running down the middle of the road away from the ursine swimmer. There was no danger though, the bear got out of the water, shook itself off and crossed the road. At the noise of an oncoming car it sped up and disappeared into the forest.
We'll order a spare wheel, who cares. But a bear! A real bear close enough to admire but far enough away to not require a change of underwear.
I know the start of the blog might seem a bit pompous but I make no apology for that. I was just talking about what I know to try to give this place the respect it is so clearly due. If you are lucky enough to go you'll see it in your own way, individual yet with a common connection to many.
If someone offered me gold or the chance to see a bear I'd choose the gold.
So, that I could have many more bear adventures in the future.
Of course we can try to talk in 'today's money' but that is somewhat arbitrary and becomes out of date itself. Money is a confidence trick so if you want to protect yourself against it you need something that people will always want everywhere in the world.
In other words you want gold - highly prized throughout the ages because it is easy to work with in jewellery, non reactive and straightforward to identify. Inflation and government fiscal policy can go to Hell, human beings are always going to want gold.
Which of course is what brought non-indigenous people to California in the first place and Yosemite, our destination today, in particular.
And what a place of magnificent treasure it is. There are still parts of Yosemite that command a dollar value (since even gold has its price) including its trees, the minerals and more recently water and hydroelectric power.
But the staggering scale and beauty of the place are beyond value. Almost wherever you stand and gaze, whether at granite mountains, crashing waterfalls or giant trees you will feel exactly like everyone who has stood in that spot. You don't need anyone to translate into 1930s awe - it is the same today.
That's not to say its not changing. It is changing on a geological time scale of course but the thundering waterflows are shaping the place as you watch them. Neither is it a paradise - there are too many of us swarming about for that - but it is special place and my overriding feeling was that I could not take it all in.
I am reading 'The Behaviour of Moths' by Poppy Adams at the moment. The main character could no doubt see hundreds of distinct lives in every square foot and I feel quite the dullard that most of the life, the insects and plants, just pass me by. I can notice the deer with their amazing antlers wandering a few feet from us and the ever present squirrels (the pigeons of Yosemite). I could even notice a bear but we wouldn't be 'lucky' enough to run into one of those surely?
Here's the thing though: we had a disaster with the push-chair when one of the wheels snapped off. So we had to carry the chair back along the path and the beauty of Yosemite was replaced bt a sense of profound irritation. We stopped so J could take his pain-killers for his arms and because of that delay he saw it.
The bear was on the other side of the river and slipped into the water. It glided at speed, looking like a brown, furry crocodile. J was taking photos as quickly as he could and retraced our steps to get closer. An Asian family started running down the middle of the road away from the ursine swimmer. There was no danger though, the bear got out of the water, shook itself off and crossed the road. At the noise of an oncoming car it sped up and disappeared into the forest.
We'll order a spare wheel, who cares. But a bear! A real bear close enough to admire but far enough away to not require a change of underwear.
I know the start of the blog might seem a bit pompous but I make no apology for that. I was just talking about what I know to try to give this place the respect it is so clearly due. If you are lucky enough to go you'll see it in your own way, individual yet with a common connection to many.
If someone offered me gold or the chance to see a bear I'd choose the gold.
So, that I could have many more bear adventures in the future.
Thursday 10 June 2010
Ready, Steady, ..., Whoosh!
We climbed down from the ice mountain as carefully as we had ascended the day before. First stop was Wal-Mart to find more of the approved food and to have a shower (we did not want to run the generator in the campsite because all the other occupants were in tents and it was too early).
Alas no food could we find and neither could we find some new jeans to replace the ones she has ruined by crawling through the stones. Still we stocked up on food for us and set off for Yosemite.
En-route we picked up the Harriet food and the jeans (three supermarkets in a day) so that was a relief.
Highway 120 was another dramatic climb when approaching Yosemite. It was worse than Coe park because this time the traffic was two way and it was much busier. The views again were great but had to be enjoyed in fleeting glances.
Our campsite is thirty miles outside of the park and set in a pine forest. The views are not so dramatic as yesterday's but it's no car park either. We have finally caught up with the laundry but the highlight of the day was taking Harriet on the slides. It was quite literally the best thing she had ever done judging by the reaction. I certainly don't remember the last time I was on a children's slide but I suspect it will be happening a lot here.
Alas no food could we find and neither could we find some new jeans to replace the ones she has ruined by crawling through the stones. Still we stocked up on food for us and set off for Yosemite.
En-route we picked up the Harriet food and the jeans (three supermarkets in a day) so that was a relief.
Highway 120 was another dramatic climb when approaching Yosemite. It was worse than Coe park because this time the traffic was two way and it was much busier. The views again were great but had to be enjoyed in fleeting glances.
Our campsite is thirty miles outside of the park and set in a pine forest. The views are not so dramatic as yesterday's but it's no car park either. We have finally caught up with the laundry but the highlight of the day was taking Harriet on the slides. It was quite literally the best thing she had ever done judging by the reaction. I certainly don't remember the last time I was on a children's slide but I suspect it will be happening a lot here.
Wednesday 9 June 2010
From Burned to Frozen
The brief was to find somewhere with a view - the last campsite had the amenities but was little more than a car park. We are due in Yosemite on Thursday so ideally not too far out of the way and in any case Harriet limits us in the length of journey we may make.
So I stared at the map and picked one plausible block of green fifteen miles south of San Jose. It was Henry W Coe State Park.
The unnerving part came when I checked the website. It warned that the road approaching the park was narrow and windy and advised people to 'keep this in mind'. There were no height, length or weight restrictions just the caveat 'if you have had little experience with such roads you may want to reconsider your plans'.
Well it was too late for that - we were off. The only sour note was that Harriet refused to eat her porridge but we thought that was because she had got up late and was not yet hungry enough.
The interstates and the 101 carried us to the outskirts of the park quickly enough but the reason for the warning on the website soon became clear. The road is extremely narrow and climbs very quickly. The views are breathtaking but even I was not too keen to look because if you did you saw how quickly the slope fell away. A wrong move and it would literally take your breath away. It took us about an hour to travel the ten miles to the campsite and it was a great relief to arrive at last.
Now this was a view.
Even though we were 10 miles from a town and a major highway it seemed as if we were alone in the world. All around us were steep inclines - the green bushes more often as not turned out to be the tops of very tall trees on the slope below. Helpfully a sign instructed all vehicles to remain on the road.
Amidst all this beauty though was the continuing problem of Harriet refusing to eat. She is still teething - the bottom molars are fully out but the top ones are still to fully arrive - but a bottle and a half of milk was not good enough.
Then another miracle. We discovered that one of the American jars was very similar to one of her favourites back home. She scoffed the lot. Delighted and determined to push our luck we have her a pack of lunchables - little crackers, slices of cheese and ham. She scoffed the lot of that too.
We were overjoyed and later made a sacrifice to the bear god of that place. To be more precise we had a fire using one of the supplied drums. It was extremely welcome because it had started to get cold, very cold.
It continued to get cold. At night the wind was extremely viscious and we had to bring H into bed with us to keep her warm. We had no hookup so no heating and ended up sleeping dressed. H, who will not normally tolerate a hat, was happy to have her hood up.
In the morning, frozen and still sunburned we set off for Yosemite. What a night but a what a view!
So I stared at the map and picked one plausible block of green fifteen miles south of San Jose. It was Henry W Coe State Park.
The unnerving part came when I checked the website. It warned that the road approaching the park was narrow and windy and advised people to 'keep this in mind'. There were no height, length or weight restrictions just the caveat 'if you have had little experience with such roads you may want to reconsider your plans'.
Well it was too late for that - we were off. The only sour note was that Harriet refused to eat her porridge but we thought that was because she had got up late and was not yet hungry enough.
The interstates and the 101 carried us to the outskirts of the park quickly enough but the reason for the warning on the website soon became clear. The road is extremely narrow and climbs very quickly. The views are breathtaking but even I was not too keen to look because if you did you saw how quickly the slope fell away. A wrong move and it would literally take your breath away. It took us about an hour to travel the ten miles to the campsite and it was a great relief to arrive at last.
Now this was a view.
Even though we were 10 miles from a town and a major highway it seemed as if we were alone in the world. All around us were steep inclines - the green bushes more often as not turned out to be the tops of very tall trees on the slope below. Helpfully a sign instructed all vehicles to remain on the road.
Amidst all this beauty though was the continuing problem of Harriet refusing to eat. She is still teething - the bottom molars are fully out but the top ones are still to fully arrive - but a bottle and a half of milk was not good enough.
Then another miracle. We discovered that one of the American jars was very similar to one of her favourites back home. She scoffed the lot. Delighted and determined to push our luck we have her a pack of lunchables - little crackers, slices of cheese and ham. She scoffed the lot of that too.
We were overjoyed and later made a sacrifice to the bear god of that place. To be more precise we had a fire using one of the supplied drums. It was extremely welcome because it had started to get cold, very cold.
It continued to get cold. At night the wind was extremely viscious and we had to bring H into bed with us to keep her warm. We had no hookup so no heating and ended up sleeping dressed. H, who will not normally tolerate a hat, was happy to have her hood up.
In the morning, frozen and still sunburned we set off for Yosemite. What a night but a what a view!
Tuesday 8 June 2010
Castro Dads
When is it ok to be ordinary? The pack animal likes to be ordinary because it is hard for a predator to pick out an individual from a herd that looks the same. There's a comfort for humans too in knowing that you just fit in, that no one could easily pick you out from the crowd.
It's a curse too because we are all different. Some wear it on their sleeves but even the most conformist harbours something that they think no one else shares. In the ideal situation we celebrate our common ground but are proud of our difference. More likely we try to over emphasise our common ground and hide our little differences, our kinks, our otherness.
I want to fit in despite what my public persona of indifference might suggest, but let's face it fitting in is not something we can do easily. Our family is not ordinary because there are not many like us.
But today was different and today we ran with the herd. We went to Castro Dads, a group we follow on Facebook, that meets weekly in the Castro area of San Francisco. At this meeting there were three other other families and our story was almost banal. It's such an unusual experience to keep saying 'yes that's what we found too' whether about the surrogacy itself, people's reactions to it all or the subsequent family relations.
Take a thousand people and you can predict that a certain percentage will do this that or the other. Statistically it's very accurate but for an individual it is worthless - the variance is too high. It's a question of scale.
I am proud that we are different and doing something special. It hasn't been easy and I think it is to the credit of us all - J, Harriet and me, and to our family and friends. But today it was a blessed relief to sit down in San Francisco with the Castro Dads and be ordinary'
It's a curse too because we are all different. Some wear it on their sleeves but even the most conformist harbours something that they think no one else shares. In the ideal situation we celebrate our common ground but are proud of our difference. More likely we try to over emphasise our common ground and hide our little differences, our kinks, our otherness.
I want to fit in despite what my public persona of indifference might suggest, but let's face it fitting in is not something we can do easily. Our family is not ordinary because there are not many like us.
But today was different and today we ran with the herd. We went to Castro Dads, a group we follow on Facebook, that meets weekly in the Castro area of San Francisco. At this meeting there were three other other families and our story was almost banal. It's such an unusual experience to keep saying 'yes that's what we found too' whether about the surrogacy itself, people's reactions to it all or the subsequent family relations.
Take a thousand people and you can predict that a certain percentage will do this that or the other. Statistically it's very accurate but for an individual it is worthless - the variance is too high. It's a question of scale.
I am proud that we are different and doing something special. It hasn't been easy and I think it is to the credit of us all - J, Harriet and me, and to our family and friends. But today it was a blessed relief to sit down in San Francisco with the Castro Dads and be ordinary'
Back To The Beginning
A lot has changed in fifteen months but some things you hope will be just the same. Following a morning at the local shopping centre (waiting for Harriet to reach a point when she would contemplate breakfast) we set off for the I-80, destination Sacramento.
Our first destination was Homestead Studios, Gateway Oaks drive, H's first address. Everything was exactly the same and we posed for a photo outside room 221 where for so long we waited first for Harriet and then for a passport.
We took a nostalgic walk by the drainage canal. I associate this mainly with the pre-Harriet period as I tried to kill time hoping that the call would come. For J it is mainly something he remembers doing with Harriet in her first pram. The only time I did it with her she was so tiny we carried her in a sling and one woman stopped to ask whether we had a baby or a dog in there. No danger of that now. She loved the walk because of all the weeds she could run through her fingers as we wheeled her by.
Our next stop was Applebees in the Truxel Road shopping centre. It was a toss up between that and the Dennys in downtown Sacramento but we reckoned the parking would be easier in the out of town mall. So much of our time was spent hanging around, waiting for the call that the highlight of our day was going out to eat.
Once H was here J was alone for most of the time so he often went out to shops and our next stop on the nostalgia tour was the Target store. Our nominal goal was to look for some clothes because Harriet is becoming filthy from the van and the stones outside but it was really a chance to wander round and try to recapture in a calmer way those very tumultuous times.
Our first destination was Homestead Studios, Gateway Oaks drive, H's first address. Everything was exactly the same and we posed for a photo outside room 221 where for so long we waited first for Harriet and then for a passport.
We took a nostalgic walk by the drainage canal. I associate this mainly with the pre-Harriet period as I tried to kill time hoping that the call would come. For J it is mainly something he remembers doing with Harriet in her first pram. The only time I did it with her she was so tiny we carried her in a sling and one woman stopped to ask whether we had a baby or a dog in there. No danger of that now. She loved the walk because of all the weeds she could run through her fingers as we wheeled her by.
Our next stop was Applebees in the Truxel Road shopping centre. It was a toss up between that and the Dennys in downtown Sacramento but we reckoned the parking would be easier in the out of town mall. So much of our time was spent hanging around, waiting for the call that the highlight of our day was going out to eat.
Once H was here J was alone for most of the time so he often went out to shops and our next stop on the nostalgia tour was the Target store. Our nominal goal was to look for some clothes because Harriet is becoming filthy from the van and the stones outside but it was really a chance to wander round and try to recapture in a calmer way those very tumultuous times.
Sunday 6 June 2010
Changing Times
It was a nervous start to the day because we had drained the main battery listening to the radio. We could start it with the leisure battery but we would need to go for a drive to charge it up so there was no escaping from a trip to Wal-Mart.
So today's journal reads like this: got up, went to supermarket, came home, sat around and went to bed.
But there is a little more to it than that.
We are as obsessed as any new parents and carefully track every change and nuance. We put up videos, photos and stories on Facebook. We try to be careful when meeting people in the real world not to talk too much because at least on-line you can choose not to look or comment but in the flesh it's hard to ignore us.
So we have a huge amount of scientific data on Ms Lovemason's progress. For example the latest phrase she repeats endlessly is 'Who's that?' But sometimes in science there is a profound change in thinking, the so-called paradigm shift, and yesterday I had one of those.
It's perhaps the setting that throws it into sharp relief. Tomorrow we are planning a nostalgia trip to Sacramento. When I was last there she was a baby of a few days old. When J and Harriet left there for the last time she was four weeks old.
Gradually she has changed but yesterday it really hit me. This campsite is not very good for a child because there is no grass - just stones that look clean but contain lots of cigarette butts. She was quite frustrated at not getting to stick stones in her mouth or play in the driver's cab so she threw her first major tantrum that I have seen. Previously she threw tantrums but she could always be consoled but this time she was having none of it.
She threw whatever came to hand in all directions and then lay on the floor banging her hands and feet. We have a new cry too that can shatter glass.
Mercifully she went to bed early and had a good long sleep. J and I had an extremely good evening listening to David Sedaris recordings which left us weeping with laughter. That may be our main support in the battles that lie ahead.
So today's journal reads like this: got up, went to supermarket, came home, sat around and went to bed.
But there is a little more to it than that.
We are as obsessed as any new parents and carefully track every change and nuance. We put up videos, photos and stories on Facebook. We try to be careful when meeting people in the real world not to talk too much because at least on-line you can choose not to look or comment but in the flesh it's hard to ignore us.
So we have a huge amount of scientific data on Ms Lovemason's progress. For example the latest phrase she repeats endlessly is 'Who's that?' But sometimes in science there is a profound change in thinking, the so-called paradigm shift, and yesterday I had one of those.
It's perhaps the setting that throws it into sharp relief. Tomorrow we are planning a nostalgia trip to Sacramento. When I was last there she was a baby of a few days old. When J and Harriet left there for the last time she was four weeks old.
Gradually she has changed but yesterday it really hit me. This campsite is not very good for a child because there is no grass - just stones that look clean but contain lots of cigarette butts. She was quite frustrated at not getting to stick stones in her mouth or play in the driver's cab so she threw her first major tantrum that I have seen. Previously she threw tantrums but she could always be consoled but this time she was having none of it.
She threw whatever came to hand in all directions and then lay on the floor banging her hands and feet. We have a new cry too that can shatter glass.
Mercifully she went to bed early and had a good long sleep. J and I had an extremely good evening listening to David Sedaris recordings which left us weeping with laughter. That may be our main support in the battles that lie ahead.
Saturday 5 June 2010
Burning
The only drama from yesterday was the mad rush to catch the ferry, which is much less frequent at the weekends. Once arrived in San Fracisco we had a pleasant day with Matt walking along the front from the ferry terminal almost to the Golden Gate bridge.
The weather takes a bit of getting used to. It was sunny in Larkspur in the morning but there was a lot of cloud inbetween it and the city. The views of the bridge from the ferry were spectacular - you could only see the tops of the main supports peaking up from the cloud.
At the ferry terminal it was bright but what we didn't appreciate was how strong the sun was. By the end of the day we were all really quite sun burned (except H who was covered in factor 50). I never expected that to happen here in a city I always think of as damp and cool and even more surprising was that J was just as red.
We had a farewell drink with Matt who flew back to Seattle that night. Then we were back on the ferry and heading home.
The coda to this mostly uneventful day was that when we returned we found that someone had left a packet of nappies and a bucket and spade by the door to our van. There was no note or any indication from whom they came but Harriet loved playing with them in the stones in front of the RV. I hoped that if the benefactors were still in the park they would see just how much they were appreciated.
The weather takes a bit of getting used to. It was sunny in Larkspur in the morning but there was a lot of cloud inbetween it and the city. The views of the bridge from the ferry were spectacular - you could only see the tops of the main supports peaking up from the cloud.
At the ferry terminal it was bright but what we didn't appreciate was how strong the sun was. By the end of the day we were all really quite sun burned (except H who was covered in factor 50). I never expected that to happen here in a city I always think of as damp and cool and even more surprising was that J was just as red.
We had a farewell drink with Matt who flew back to Seattle that night. Then we were back on the ferry and heading home.
The coda to this mostly uneventful day was that when we returned we found that someone had left a packet of nappies and a bucket and spade by the door to our van. There was no note or any indication from whom they came but Harriet loved playing with them in the stones in front of the RV. I hoped that if the benefactors were still in the park they would see just how much they were appreciated.
The Greener Grass
The Microwave has just pinged and at last I have a sausage muffin in my hands. The problem with our rush to collect the RV, get to the campsite and travel to San Francisco to meet Matt was that we had only a limited time to stock the cupboards at Wal-Mart.
It was a rubbish store to be fair. J was something like Spitting Image's Queen Mother as he wandered round "I used to live in Sacramento you know! And they would never have organised it like this or stocked it so poorly".
So we did a rubbish shop. Harriet was ok (we found an equivalent to Ready-Brek) but yesterday there was no breakfast for us. The fridge contained milk, baby juice, beer and Margaritas.
No problem I thought - you cannot walk more than five minutes in this country without finding some take-out.
Wrong. Yes you can if you walk alongside the 101 down the Redwood Highway. Repair garages, spinal doctors and fabric superstores there are a-plenty but nothing to eat. Breakfast is the best thing in this country - my thoughts were full of pancakes, biscuits (scones to the UK readers) and French toast but thinking was as far as it went.
Now no doubt you are really worried for my well-being but fret not because we were soon sailing across the Bay to salvation. The problem with the City though was that we went from no choice to too much choice and in a panic ended up in McDonalds. Not good but enough to stave off that hunger.
We met Matt in the Nordstrom shopping centre where we were trying to find a hat that Harriet would keep on. That having proved impossible we had a drink in the cafe and planned the day.
We decided to go to the California Academy of Sciences in Golden Gate park. It was a mission to get there on the bus but once there it was a spectacular place.
I have been to some great aquaria including the amazing one in Sydney but this was in another league. There were so many creatures I had never seen below including the leafy seadragon. Please google these amazing looking creatures - to describe them as big sea horses that look like seaweed would be a crime.
All the displays were very new and afforded some great views of all the fish. Even the simple tank of jellyfish was strikingly lit and drew you towards it.
The next section we visited was a recreation of the rainforest. Within the building the had created a dome with a ramp that spiralled upwards to demonstrate the life at different levels of the forest. Butterflies and tropical birds flew about in the humid air and at the bottom there was water filled with large prehistoric fish. At the top of the exhibit you take the lift down to the basement to get up close to the fish.
We took Harriet to see the penguins in the Africa exhibit but she was more interested in just walking about. It was touching to see her standing at one of the displays really concentrating on the lizard sitting on the other side of the glass.
Finally we toured the extreme mammals exhibit. This was more for the adults and was really fascinating. I learned that animals I thought of as dinosaurs (dimetrodon) are actually closer to mammals than dinosaurs. The exhibit does a good job of showing that for every 'typical' mamallian trait there is an exception. It seems that being a mammal is something to do with bones in the ear and everything else (warm blood, giving birth to live young etc) is up for grabs.
The return journey was another nightmare. J's arms gave him a lot of pain so it was easier for us to walk back to the ferry terminal. It was a long, long way but we were able to stop off and get the muffins and pastries. Everthing was going to be alright.
It was a rubbish store to be fair. J was something like Spitting Image's Queen Mother as he wandered round "I used to live in Sacramento you know! And they would never have organised it like this or stocked it so poorly".
So we did a rubbish shop. Harriet was ok (we found an equivalent to Ready-Brek) but yesterday there was no breakfast for us. The fridge contained milk, baby juice, beer and Margaritas.
No problem I thought - you cannot walk more than five minutes in this country without finding some take-out.
Wrong. Yes you can if you walk alongside the 101 down the Redwood Highway. Repair garages, spinal doctors and fabric superstores there are a-plenty but nothing to eat. Breakfast is the best thing in this country - my thoughts were full of pancakes, biscuits (scones to the UK readers) and French toast but thinking was as far as it went.
Now no doubt you are really worried for my well-being but fret not because we were soon sailing across the Bay to salvation. The problem with the City though was that we went from no choice to too much choice and in a panic ended up in McDonalds. Not good but enough to stave off that hunger.
We met Matt in the Nordstrom shopping centre where we were trying to find a hat that Harriet would keep on. That having proved impossible we had a drink in the cafe and planned the day.
We decided to go to the California Academy of Sciences in Golden Gate park. It was a mission to get there on the bus but once there it was a spectacular place.
I have been to some great aquaria including the amazing one in Sydney but this was in another league. There were so many creatures I had never seen below including the leafy seadragon. Please google these amazing looking creatures - to describe them as big sea horses that look like seaweed would be a crime.
All the displays were very new and afforded some great views of all the fish. Even the simple tank of jellyfish was strikingly lit and drew you towards it.
The next section we visited was a recreation of the rainforest. Within the building the had created a dome with a ramp that spiralled upwards to demonstrate the life at different levels of the forest. Butterflies and tropical birds flew about in the humid air and at the bottom there was water filled with large prehistoric fish. At the top of the exhibit you take the lift down to the basement to get up close to the fish.
We took Harriet to see the penguins in the Africa exhibit but she was more interested in just walking about. It was touching to see her standing at one of the displays really concentrating on the lizard sitting on the other side of the glass.
Finally we toured the extreme mammals exhibit. This was more for the adults and was really fascinating. I learned that animals I thought of as dinosaurs (dimetrodon) are actually closer to mammals than dinosaurs. The exhibit does a good job of showing that for every 'typical' mamallian trait there is an exception. It seems that being a mammal is something to do with bones in the ear and everything else (warm blood, giving birth to live young etc) is up for grabs.
The return journey was another nightmare. J's arms gave him a lot of pain so it was easier for us to walk back to the ferry terminal. It was a long, long way but we were able to stop off and get the muffins and pastries. Everthing was going to be alright.
Friday 4 June 2010
The New Home
Once the mad taxi driver had left we checked in with Cruise America. The guy behind the desk was a dead ringer for Fargo from A Town Called Eureka and mercifully let us skip the orientation video.
It's a bigger unit than the one we rented in Arizona. It has a fixed bed at the rear as well as the over the cab bed. The main thing though is we now have a microwave and so can heat her milk and food. The shower is much better than the farce we have at home too.
I will never drive this thing I hope. It's 24ft long and extremely wide. American roads are big but the lanes looked a little small when we set out on the interstate. I would've been a nervous wreck but J took it in his stride.
We are staying in Larkspur, 10 miles north of San Francisco. The place has a certain resonance for J because it was where his parents stayed when they were here and where his brother and his family stayed on their holiday.
To get to San Francisco from Larkspur you can either take the bus or the ferry. That's a no brainer - imagine arriving into San Francisco across the bay. It's magical because you see such a contrast between the fecund hills of Larkspur with the clouds rolling down them and the skyline of San Francisco -all pointy towers and colourful chaos.
Even better the ferry, unlike the bus, has a bar and we set out on our first trip with a gin and tonic (minus the tonic) and a beer.
We were going to meet a friend of mine, Matt, whom I hadn't seen for ten years. I met him at Edinburgh University in my final year when he was visiting for a year from the States. He now lives in Seattle which to an American is of course only just up the road so he flew down to meet us, for which I am very grateful. All those memories of CC Blooms came flooding back.
J had never met him of course so we did the intros walking along the embarcadero down to Fisherman's Wharf. At dinner Harriet was as good as gold and sat at the table with us munching on a few chips and joining in with her own brand of conversation.
Then it was back home across the bay and our first night in the RV. It felt good to be back here, good to see old friends and best of all to know that it was only the beginning of the holiday.
It's a bigger unit than the one we rented in Arizona. It has a fixed bed at the rear as well as the over the cab bed. The main thing though is we now have a microwave and so can heat her milk and food. The shower is much better than the farce we have at home too.
I will never drive this thing I hope. It's 24ft long and extremely wide. American roads are big but the lanes looked a little small when we set out on the interstate. I would've been a nervous wreck but J took it in his stride.
We are staying in Larkspur, 10 miles north of San Francisco. The place has a certain resonance for J because it was where his parents stayed when they were here and where his brother and his family stayed on their holiday.
To get to San Francisco from Larkspur you can either take the bus or the ferry. That's a no brainer - imagine arriving into San Francisco across the bay. It's magical because you see such a contrast between the fecund hills of Larkspur with the clouds rolling down them and the skyline of San Francisco -all pointy towers and colourful chaos.
Even better the ferry, unlike the bus, has a bar and we set out on our first trip with a gin and tonic (minus the tonic) and a beer.
We were going to meet a friend of mine, Matt, whom I hadn't seen for ten years. I met him at Edinburgh University in my final year when he was visiting for a year from the States. He now lives in Seattle which to an American is of course only just up the road so he flew down to meet us, for which I am very grateful. All those memories of CC Blooms came flooding back.
J had never met him of course so we did the intros walking along the embarcadero down to Fisherman's Wharf. At dinner Harriet was as good as gold and sat at the table with us munching on a few chips and joining in with her own brand of conversation.
Then it was back home across the bay and our first night in the RV. It felt good to be back here, good to see old friends and best of all to know that it was only the beginning of the holiday.
The Taxi
We were struggling to keep awake at dinner and threw in the towel at eight, pretending that we were going to watch Law and Order. I woke at three thirty in the morning - Harriet was playing and in a very good mood as if everything that had just happened to her was the most normal thing in the world.
The good news is that at five we all went to sleep again and woke up at half seven. It felt like morning and Harriet scoffed a jar from the infant meal we got on the plane.
Breakfast for us was a trip to Burger King. So early in the morning SF's vagrants were the main people on the street. A man, by his own admission drunk at 8am, talked to us in Burger King, sharing his faith in North European paganism. It was by no means threatening just very Californian.
Back out on Market Street we took a stroll. Remarkably all the way down to the Castro there are pride flags along the route. It looks a bit like the Mall set up to expect the Queen of the Friends of Dorothy on a state visit.
We reached the Ferry Building where J swore blind that we used to get a coffee and sit on the pier watching the ships. I had done no such thing and reminded him of just how long he had been here with Harriet without me. So we got a drink and made the false memory a real one.
It was a glorious day in which the city was bathed in sunshine but across the bay it was all rolling mist and fog. Everyone smiled at us and Harriet charmed them all.
The next phase of the day cannot be described effectively, not by me and not by anyone most likely. The simple facts are that we took a taxi to Oakland and our taxi driver was mad. I mean really mad. It wasn't that he had every episode of Juliet Bravo on tape it was that he was insane.
He was Japanese and told us he was sixty eight. All the way to Oakland he told us stories of the key to good health . All the advice was dispensed in terrible English with shrieks and shouts at random points. For emphasis he would slam his hand on the dashboard and cackle at the foolishness of the world around him.
When we arrived at the RV lot there was some building work and true to form he ignored the designated route and drove over some thin planks of wood which snapped and the taxi dropped into a hole. Mercifully he got it out and we didn't have to spend any more time.
Well, that was my attempt at a description. J took some video of him in full flow and once we are back we will post it.
The RV was great but I'll describe it and our first meeting with Matt in a separate piece because to associate them with this would be unkind.
The good news is that at five we all went to sleep again and woke up at half seven. It felt like morning and Harriet scoffed a jar from the infant meal we got on the plane.
Breakfast for us was a trip to Burger King. So early in the morning SF's vagrants were the main people on the street. A man, by his own admission drunk at 8am, talked to us in Burger King, sharing his faith in North European paganism. It was by no means threatening just very Californian.
Back out on Market Street we took a stroll. Remarkably all the way down to the Castro there are pride flags along the route. It looks a bit like the Mall set up to expect the Queen of the Friends of Dorothy on a state visit.
We reached the Ferry Building where J swore blind that we used to get a coffee and sit on the pier watching the ships. I had done no such thing and reminded him of just how long he had been here with Harriet without me. So we got a drink and made the false memory a real one.
It was a glorious day in which the city was bathed in sunshine but across the bay it was all rolling mist and fog. Everyone smiled at us and Harriet charmed them all.
The next phase of the day cannot be described effectively, not by me and not by anyone most likely. The simple facts are that we took a taxi to Oakland and our taxi driver was mad. I mean really mad. It wasn't that he had every episode of Juliet Bravo on tape it was that he was insane.
He was Japanese and told us he was sixty eight. All the way to Oakland he told us stories of the key to good health . All the advice was dispensed in terrible English with shrieks and shouts at random points. For emphasis he would slam his hand on the dashboard and cackle at the foolishness of the world around him.
When we arrived at the RV lot there was some building work and true to form he ignored the designated route and drove over some thin planks of wood which snapped and the taxi dropped into a hole. Mercifully he got it out and we didn't have to spend any more time.
Well, that was my attempt at a description. J took some video of him in full flow and once we are back we will post it.
The RV was great but I'll describe it and our first meeting with Matt in a separate piece because to associate them with this would be unkind.
Thursday 3 June 2010
Back in the City
We had to wait at the aircraft door for Harriet's amazing car-seat/buggy combo to be brought to us. So many people charged past us no doubt dreading the age that it takes to clear US immigration.
Indeed it was extremely busy. It looked like another couple of jumbos had arrived before us and still hadn't cleared.
I tried to care but couldn't quite manage a serious effort. Some families had bought business class tickets but they didn't have the little blue book - Harriet's US passport. So we turned right and joined the citizens queue. Five minutes later we picked up our bags and we were then outside waiting for the shuttle to the hotel.
Harriet's buggy transformed again into a car seat and we were off. It has been a real success and it will be interesting to see if Americans are as surprised by the sight of it as people in London.
She has just been amazing and was still in such a good mood but once the car got going she could finally have a doze.
As for us we were just relieved that there was a bar and restaurant in the hotel. It was finally time to unwind and have a drink. The next big stage of the adventure begins tomorrow
Indeed it was extremely busy. It looked like another couple of jumbos had arrived before us and still hadn't cleared.
I tried to care but couldn't quite manage a serious effort. Some families had bought business class tickets but they didn't have the little blue book - Harriet's US passport. So we turned right and joined the citizens queue. Five minutes later we picked up our bags and we were then outside waiting for the shuttle to the hotel.
Harriet's buggy transformed again into a car seat and we were off. It has been a real success and it will be interesting to see if Americans are as surprised by the sight of it as people in London.
She has just been amazing and was still in such a good mood but once the car got going she could finally have a doze.
As for us we were just relieved that there was a bar and restaurant in the hotel. It was finally time to unwind and have a drink. The next big stage of the adventure begins tomorrow
Wednesday 2 June 2010
The Beginning
Well it has begun. I'm writing this as we are flying over England - only ten hours to go.
So far (and the seat belt signs have only just gone off) so good. The seats are horrendous of course - we are in a row of three and the window seat is taken by a poor soul who is making her first long haul flight.
The real boon though is that there are many children on this flight so we don't feel quite so bad. In fact Harriet has been one of the quieter ones so far.
Long may it continue. Long, very long / about ten hours long.
Update 1248: in the air for an hour and still no in-flight entertainment which is a pain. Harriet is almost ready to go to sleep and a cartoon would be just the ticket.
Flight attendant is a very camp Scot. Thought we would do well from him but two very small glasses of wine and that was it.
Update 1450: the worst thing about economy is not the cramped seat or even the food. In fact the food has been very good. The problem is losing all sense of individuality. We really needed them to clear away our trays because Harriet kept trying to grab stuff. But instead of clearing they first served the tea and coffee. It took an age to clear. Yes we could ask but they have a real knack of disappearing as soon as you try. Just wait your turn and know your place.
The American woman, mother to the little girl in front is chatty in a way typical of a Californian. The English woman to my right is also not afraid to talk albeit in a quieter way.
Update 1512: The first nappy has been changed. How was it I asked? Bloody difficult came the reply.
Update 1623: Water or Juice? So that will be no booze then. Forget the rubbish I was talking earlier - the worst thing about economy is the lack of wine. I know how much some of you love it when I talk about wine but the truth is that I am usually happy with an indifferent red and right about now I would be ecstatic with any vin de table.
Update 1804: They have run out of wine apparently. J has resorted to rum and coke. Harriet has come alive and it's been more difficult. Immigration forms are done so not much to do. No chance of reading or watching anything.
Update 1826: Miniature wrap arrives. Scalding hot. No beverages of any description. American woman is very friendly but pace of conversation is draining.
Update 2022: We're over Idaho now so getting close. Our seats are next to the galley so we can hear the staff preparing the next sumptuous feast (I have spotted a full bottle of wine too). What is astonishing is just how many people order special meals. If I were management I would scrap this and give everyone Vegan.
Update 2114: Less than an hour to go thank goodness. Harriet is still wide awake and interacting with Victoria, the girl in front is us. No doubt they are discussing just how wonderful it is to have dual nationality. Lucky things.
Update 2205: Touchdown :-)
So far (and the seat belt signs have only just gone off) so good. The seats are horrendous of course - we are in a row of three and the window seat is taken by a poor soul who is making her first long haul flight.
The real boon though is that there are many children on this flight so we don't feel quite so bad. In fact Harriet has been one of the quieter ones so far.
Long may it continue. Long, very long / about ten hours long.
Update 1248: in the air for an hour and still no in-flight entertainment which is a pain. Harriet is almost ready to go to sleep and a cartoon would be just the ticket.
Flight attendant is a very camp Scot. Thought we would do well from him but two very small glasses of wine and that was it.
Update 1450: the worst thing about economy is not the cramped seat or even the food. In fact the food has been very good. The problem is losing all sense of individuality. We really needed them to clear away our trays because Harriet kept trying to grab stuff. But instead of clearing they first served the tea and coffee. It took an age to clear. Yes we could ask but they have a real knack of disappearing as soon as you try. Just wait your turn and know your place.
The American woman, mother to the little girl in front is chatty in a way typical of a Californian. The English woman to my right is also not afraid to talk albeit in a quieter way.
Update 1512: The first nappy has been changed. How was it I asked? Bloody difficult came the reply.
Update 1623: Water or Juice? So that will be no booze then. Forget the rubbish I was talking earlier - the worst thing about economy is the lack of wine. I know how much some of you love it when I talk about wine but the truth is that I am usually happy with an indifferent red and right about now I would be ecstatic with any vin de table.
Update 1804: They have run out of wine apparently. J has resorted to rum and coke. Harriet has come alive and it's been more difficult. Immigration forms are done so not much to do. No chance of reading or watching anything.
Update 1826: Miniature wrap arrives. Scalding hot. No beverages of any description. American woman is very friendly but pace of conversation is draining.
Update 2022: We're over Idaho now so getting close. Our seats are next to the galley so we can hear the staff preparing the next sumptuous feast (I have spotted a full bottle of wine too). What is astonishing is just how many people order special meals. If I were management I would scrap this and give everyone Vegan.
Update 2114: Less than an hour to go thank goodness. Harriet is still wide awake and interacting with Victoria, the girl in front is us. No doubt they are discussing just how wonderful it is to have dual nationality. Lucky things.
Update 2205: Touchdown :-)
Monday 31 May 2010
The Bubble
Time flies. It's June tomorrow and two days hence we will be setting out for Heathrow as we have done so many times before. The difference is that this time Harriet won't be waiting at the other end, she will be coming with us; back to the land of her birth and our first proper holiday as a family.
On the one hand we lead the typical modern life of being busy all the time. We are taking bookings from family in Scotland to come down in September and we are jetting off to San Francisco where the first order of business is to catch up with a friend from my best year in Edinburgh who is himself jetting down from Washington State.
On the other hand we lead a fairly quiet, sedate life. When the evenings come it's mostly just us, the dogs and the cable TV. Harriet's milestones - such as her first proper steps that we witnessed this week - are a private spectacle. Sadly they are all too private because I am most likely to be at work when they happen (her arrival into the world included).
So, I am dreading the flight (really, really dreading it) but hugely excited about spending some serious time with her. The really confident walking is about to happen any time soon and that will be a great boon to see.
Of all the trips we made during the time that we were expecting Harriet the one I hope to replicate is our trip to Arizona - Kartchner caverns to be precise. We were staying on a campsite that was little more than hard standing with a picnic table. It was a beautiful, calm place and so very fine to sit out in the evening drinking a little bit of the local wine.
That trip J saw so many shooting stars but every time they came I was doing something else (opening the next bottle most likely). Strange thing is that it didn't bother me because you knew if was special anyway.
But this time it's going to be the real thing. Big thanks to Matt for realising we are not so very far away and making the effort of a trip down south. It will be great to see Yosemite at last too after all of those trips when we have just missed it. But best of all, some 6,000 miles away from where I am writing this, I will get to see my shooting star for two uninterupted weeks in her home state.
Mobile Blogging from here.
On the one hand we lead the typical modern life of being busy all the time. We are taking bookings from family in Scotland to come down in September and we are jetting off to San Francisco where the first order of business is to catch up with a friend from my best year in Edinburgh who is himself jetting down from Washington State.
On the other hand we lead a fairly quiet, sedate life. When the evenings come it's mostly just us, the dogs and the cable TV. Harriet's milestones - such as her first proper steps that we witnessed this week - are a private spectacle. Sadly they are all too private because I am most likely to be at work when they happen (her arrival into the world included).
So, I am dreading the flight (really, really dreading it) but hugely excited about spending some serious time with her. The really confident walking is about to happen any time soon and that will be a great boon to see.
Of all the trips we made during the time that we were expecting Harriet the one I hope to replicate is our trip to Arizona - Kartchner caverns to be precise. We were staying on a campsite that was little more than hard standing with a picnic table. It was a beautiful, calm place and so very fine to sit out in the evening drinking a little bit of the local wine.
That trip J saw so many shooting stars but every time they came I was doing something else (opening the next bottle most likely). Strange thing is that it didn't bother me because you knew if was special anyway.
But this time it's going to be the real thing. Big thanks to Matt for realising we are not so very far away and making the effort of a trip down south. It will be great to see Yosemite at last too after all of those trips when we have just missed it. But best of all, some 6,000 miles away from where I am writing this, I will get to see my shooting star for two uninterupted weeks in her home state.
Mobile Blogging from here.
Friday 28 May 2010
Cui Bono?
I enjoyed watching the election coverage during the day in Singapore and it has been a drama ever since. The day that Brown announced that he would stand aside to allow talks between Labour and the Liberal Democrats I left early because I was so enraged by the possibility of it. That didn't last too long thankfully and the resulting Liberal-Conservative coalition is something I rather like.
I have always voted Labour in every General Election. Even in 2005 I decided to lend my support to the independently minded MP for Walthamstow Neil Gerrard because he was essentially an opponent to the government and I wanted to reward his good decisions. Labour's legacy is a good one in many ways and for Civil Partnerships and much of their equality legislation I am grateful.
The decision is not a simple accounting one though where I put the Iraq war in one column and repeal of section 28 in the other and add it all up. You have a feel for which group of people best represents you and your interests. Politically I am probably an 19th century liberal and I despise much of the Conservative's dogma around morality and nationalism. I am sure that I would like Neil Gerrard much more than our Tory MP in Hertfordshire whose voting record on gay rights was abysmal and who is probably just the sort of person who would rather Harriet be taken away from us.
But what really lost me to Labour was my perception that they wanted to control every aspect of our lives. David Davis is likely to be no fan of gay parents but I felt like he spoke for me on civil liberties. Labour I think was corrupted by the management consultants and wanted endless databases, performance metrics and micro-management and frankly government is simply not fit to hold all that information as the Child Benefit debacle cystalised so clearly. No doubt Gordon thought he was clever in using tax credits, topups and benefits to get help to people but present them with forty page forms and the result is obvious - some people game the system and exploit the inconsistencies while the vast majority of people who need and deserve the support don't claim it because they either do not understand the form or resent exposing every aspect of their lives to a government machine in a pathetic plea for help.
So Lib-Con works for me and the big hope is that they can govern from the centre in the way I believed Mr Blair would in 1997.
My own personal interest beyond parenting is of course banking and the election campaign was depressing. It is now gospel that the only attitude permissible to banking is overt hostility and derision.
Derivatives have been an important part of finance and the real economy for hundreds of years. They are primarily about the transfer of risk - the agricultural producer can sell the grain he has not yet harvested for a given price and know how much he has to invest for the next year. A company making an international aquisition can ensure that foreign exchange movements six months hence do not render the deal impractical. Risk has to be transferred somewhere and for that you had better hope there are people willing to speculate.
In fact the main innovation in recent years has probably been the concept of securitisation. The idea is that you pool assets that will pay income but that payment is tranched. Different types of investors buy different tranches and receive different amounts of interest. Losses are allocated to those who receive the most interest first. It opens up the possibility for very risk averse investors such as pension funds to access markets such as real estate, commercial loans and so on.
Obviously things go wrong but in my view it is largely a question of scale. Pass too much risk around and if there is a blow up then the whole system can crash. If the housing market in Florida collapses the world would still go on and there would be enough cash to sort out Florida but if you have done such a great volume of risky deals that all the states start to fail then you set in chain the potential for financial catastrophe.
So it all has gone terribly wrong but some of the solutions proposed are misguided. The size of the bank is not relevant - cf Lehman and Northern Rock. Short selling is not the work of the devil - it is a legitimate way of testing the value of an asset. Remember the hue and cry around the hedge funds that were shorting our fine institution Halifax Bank of Scotland? Well they were right, it was bust and they did not bring it down. Certainly we should have controls to stop banks entering businesses they do not understand and it is important to have greater transparency over what is being shorted and some controls to protect some assets. I'm not saying it's perfect just that it is not black and white.
And as for the huge bonuses and salaries I won't defend everyone but I will say this. The government's bonus tax brought in £2bn to the treasury. No bonus no £2bn simple as that. As for my own position - I suppose the best I can say is that at least my gains have not been squandered on an over-the-top vehicle but used to enable us to have Harriet and hopefully her future siblings.
We all act to protect our own interests it is natural. At dinner when a nice lady from Dulwich complained to me about the banks and how distressed she was when her money in Northern Rock seemed to be at risk I asked what she thought the previous year. She looked a little confused before I reminded her of Farepack. Government guarantees protected 48 thousand of her money and eventually they protected the whole lot but for the people who had invested £480 in total what help was there. None. Nil. Nada. It would have cost 50 million to bail them all out - not much to ask from the bankers 2 billion tax one would think.
Perhaps there is some justice and that we get the government, and the finance system, that we deserve. So when it all goes base over apex the place to start looking for answers is perhaps closer than we would like.
I have always voted Labour in every General Election. Even in 2005 I decided to lend my support to the independently minded MP for Walthamstow Neil Gerrard because he was essentially an opponent to the government and I wanted to reward his good decisions. Labour's legacy is a good one in many ways and for Civil Partnerships and much of their equality legislation I am grateful.
The decision is not a simple accounting one though where I put the Iraq war in one column and repeal of section 28 in the other and add it all up. You have a feel for which group of people best represents you and your interests. Politically I am probably an 19th century liberal and I despise much of the Conservative's dogma around morality and nationalism. I am sure that I would like Neil Gerrard much more than our Tory MP in Hertfordshire whose voting record on gay rights was abysmal and who is probably just the sort of person who would rather Harriet be taken away from us.
But what really lost me to Labour was my perception that they wanted to control every aspect of our lives. David Davis is likely to be no fan of gay parents but I felt like he spoke for me on civil liberties. Labour I think was corrupted by the management consultants and wanted endless databases, performance metrics and micro-management and frankly government is simply not fit to hold all that information as the Child Benefit debacle cystalised so clearly. No doubt Gordon thought he was clever in using tax credits, topups and benefits to get help to people but present them with forty page forms and the result is obvious - some people game the system and exploit the inconsistencies while the vast majority of people who need and deserve the support don't claim it because they either do not understand the form or resent exposing every aspect of their lives to a government machine in a pathetic plea for help.
So Lib-Con works for me and the big hope is that they can govern from the centre in the way I believed Mr Blair would in 1997.
My own personal interest beyond parenting is of course banking and the election campaign was depressing. It is now gospel that the only attitude permissible to banking is overt hostility and derision.
Derivatives have been an important part of finance and the real economy for hundreds of years. They are primarily about the transfer of risk - the agricultural producer can sell the grain he has not yet harvested for a given price and know how much he has to invest for the next year. A company making an international aquisition can ensure that foreign exchange movements six months hence do not render the deal impractical. Risk has to be transferred somewhere and for that you had better hope there are people willing to speculate.
In fact the main innovation in recent years has probably been the concept of securitisation. The idea is that you pool assets that will pay income but that payment is tranched. Different types of investors buy different tranches and receive different amounts of interest. Losses are allocated to those who receive the most interest first. It opens up the possibility for very risk averse investors such as pension funds to access markets such as real estate, commercial loans and so on.
Obviously things go wrong but in my view it is largely a question of scale. Pass too much risk around and if there is a blow up then the whole system can crash. If the housing market in Florida collapses the world would still go on and there would be enough cash to sort out Florida but if you have done such a great volume of risky deals that all the states start to fail then you set in chain the potential for financial catastrophe.
So it all has gone terribly wrong but some of the solutions proposed are misguided. The size of the bank is not relevant - cf Lehman and Northern Rock. Short selling is not the work of the devil - it is a legitimate way of testing the value of an asset. Remember the hue and cry around the hedge funds that were shorting our fine institution Halifax Bank of Scotland? Well they were right, it was bust and they did not bring it down. Certainly we should have controls to stop banks entering businesses they do not understand and it is important to have greater transparency over what is being shorted and some controls to protect some assets. I'm not saying it's perfect just that it is not black and white.
And as for the huge bonuses and salaries I won't defend everyone but I will say this. The government's bonus tax brought in £2bn to the treasury. No bonus no £2bn simple as that. As for my own position - I suppose the best I can say is that at least my gains have not been squandered on an over-the-top vehicle but used to enable us to have Harriet and hopefully her future siblings.
We all act to protect our own interests it is natural. At dinner when a nice lady from Dulwich complained to me about the banks and how distressed she was when her money in Northern Rock seemed to be at risk I asked what she thought the previous year. She looked a little confused before I reminded her of Farepack. Government guarantees protected 48 thousand of her money and eventually they protected the whole lot but for the people who had invested £480 in total what help was there. None. Nil. Nada. It would have cost 50 million to bail them all out - not much to ask from the bankers 2 billion tax one would think.
Perhaps there is some justice and that we get the government, and the finance system, that we deserve. So when it all goes base over apex the place to start looking for answers is perhaps closer than we would like.
Sunday 9 May 2010
Singapore
I eschewed the offer of a car to the airport because it was an early morning trip on a Bank Holiday and I reckoned the tube would be faster and quieter. It is also a rather pleasant trip on the Piccadily line once you emerge from the underground section - it's a gentle pace to be sure compared to the Heathrow express but does not subject its passengers to a very annoying, constantly looping TV.
It's also absurdly expensive and although my business class ticket was equally absurd you do at least get something in return. From the moment you arrive you get a separate queue and the satisfying sight of a bright orange label "priority" stuck to your luggage . You then proceed through the Fast Track security channel and are soon safely enclosed in the lounge. I wasn't very impressed with the lounge but that is probably because we were spoiled by the new facilities BA has at Terminal 5. Everything was there - champagne, beer, wine, sandwiches, cakes and the like - but it looked rather corporate and generic.
If that sounds pompous and picky that's because it is. It's just still a little new for me and everyone wants to fit in and the best way to fit in is usually to appear jaded and fed up. Still I was really excited when it came to going on the plane, which was the Airbus 380 double decker monster.
Decades ago aviation advances meant that we could fly supersonic from London to New York. Given its dreadful envirnomental impact it is perhaps no bad thing that Concorde flies no more. But something was needed to make plane travel a little more exciting than the prospect of having to find a quid to go to the toilet on a Ryanair jet flying to an industrial site many miles away from your intended destination. The A380 was surely going to be it.
And it is a wonder to look at - a little bit like a beluga whale from the front, strange and not appearing to be from this world. The bit I missed though was going upstairs - the connecting bridge simply glides up or down to your destination floor which makes perfect sense but means that once you're in it looks like any other aircraft and some of the magic is gone.
The business class seats are huge and could comfortably seat two John Prescotts. The service is excellent and the food sublime. No reasonable human being could want for more on a flight but even we esconced in business class luxury gazed longingly at the front of the plane. The first class on the A380 is spectacular - it is not a seat you get but a suite with a separate bed and seat. On the Emirates service you can even take a shower in the sky.
There are some who take the James song literally - 'If I hadn't seen such riches I could live with being poor' - and sat bitterly bemoaning the fact that in first class you get Krug whereas you have to put up with Piper Heidsieck in business class. Two old crones I heard complained that the beds were uncomfortable and the designer 'should be shot'.
Don't worry - to keep me real I had only to think of the next flight I will take. Economy class to San Francisco with Harriet. Every time I thought of it I shuddered and downed some Piper Heidsieck and was damned grateful for it.
However, even the suite class passengers must be glad to get off the plane after 13 hours. Thankfully the label had done its job and I had picked up my bag and was out of the airport in ten minutes. My taxi driver gave me a history of the Changi airport and explained that it had all been constructed on reclaimed land. The motorway leading from the aiport to Singapore proper was long and straight and no matter whether his story about it being an alternative landing strip in emergencies was true it filled in the time and helped me to start adjusting to the accent or more precisely the speed at which people talk.
I checked in to my hotel and realised immediately that J could never come here. I was on the 20th floor and there looked to be a similar number above me. The internal lifts were transparent and even I preferred to keep my eyes fixed on the control panel. One of the big disappointments about leaving Field View was losing our power shower and the new one in London is frankly attrocious. But this hotel took the power shower to a whole new level - there were two showerheads built into the fixed unit and a separate freestanding shower just in case. It certainly blasted away the cobwebs and I set off for the office.
When I took over as the head of the front office model validation group I decided I had to visit Singapore. We have had a group there for several years and no one from the management team has ever been to see them. I wanted to give them the benefit of access to me in person and try to make them feel valued members of the group. Since we are setting up another group in New York too I shall be doing quite a bit more of this.
Singapore was chosen as a lower cost location but it has proved popular with some of the London managers who have chosen to relocate there. Quality of life is usually cited as the reason and provided you have the means I can see some of the attraction. You can have maids, cooks and nannies, pay low taxes and enjoy hot weather the year round. The main downside I could see at work is that because of the time differences people seem to work late to ensure they can have meetings with London and meetings with New York are really out of the question.
Still, every day we ate out at a different restaurant, first Chinese then Indian then Thai and then Japanese. It was comparable in price to our in-house restaurant in London but vastly superior in quality. On Thursday we went out for a team dinner. My local manager there is French so I suggested we tried a French restaurant and he obliged by picking Au Petit Salut.
For years I just turned up to work dinners, ate and left but now I was the one who had to pay for everything and scrutinise the costs. The restaurant was staggeringly expensive and the policy would just about cover the set menu. No one could be persuaded to try the escargot so we all went for the crab and avacado salade which was lovely except for the caviar, which I can't stand. For the main course you could have sea bream or veal. I went for the veal and was actually relieved to be told that it was out and would be replaced with more conventional beef. It was all of a really high standard and presented in a delicate and precise way. For desert we all went for the souffle and they all arrived perfectly and simultaneously.
On the other evenings a smaller group of us went out and tried different areas of town for drinks and entertainment. The first night we spent in the marina near the office gazing out at the mental casino. Imagine three skyscapers with a cruise liner stuck on the top and you get the idea. The second night we explored some of the standard ex-pat bars along the Singapore River and on the third night we visited the Arab quarter and later on I went for an exploration of China town.
There is a real incentive to drink cocktails in Singapore because they are the same price as a beer but actually I grew to like the local Tiger beer. There is something very pleasant in having beer from an iced pint glass while baking in the heat at midnight.
This strange place in South East Asia where the sun shines but where English is the dominant language, they drive on the left and even use our plugs will not appeal to everyone but I enjoyed my time there immensely. I was desperate to see J and H again but sad still to leave and I'd like to return.
But first there is the matter of an 11 hour flight with a 16 month old next month. Still, at the end of that flight we shall be in San Francisco so it is a good problem to have and you won't hear me complain. Too much.
It's also absurdly expensive and although my business class ticket was equally absurd you do at least get something in return. From the moment you arrive you get a separate queue and the satisfying sight of a bright orange label "priority" stuck to your luggage . You then proceed through the Fast Track security channel and are soon safely enclosed in the lounge. I wasn't very impressed with the lounge but that is probably because we were spoiled by the new facilities BA has at Terminal 5. Everything was there - champagne, beer, wine, sandwiches, cakes and the like - but it looked rather corporate and generic.
If that sounds pompous and picky that's because it is. It's just still a little new for me and everyone wants to fit in and the best way to fit in is usually to appear jaded and fed up. Still I was really excited when it came to going on the plane, which was the Airbus 380 double decker monster.
Decades ago aviation advances meant that we could fly supersonic from London to New York. Given its dreadful envirnomental impact it is perhaps no bad thing that Concorde flies no more. But something was needed to make plane travel a little more exciting than the prospect of having to find a quid to go to the toilet on a Ryanair jet flying to an industrial site many miles away from your intended destination. The A380 was surely going to be it.
And it is a wonder to look at - a little bit like a beluga whale from the front, strange and not appearing to be from this world. The bit I missed though was going upstairs - the connecting bridge simply glides up or down to your destination floor which makes perfect sense but means that once you're in it looks like any other aircraft and some of the magic is gone.
The business class seats are huge and could comfortably seat two John Prescotts. The service is excellent and the food sublime. No reasonable human being could want for more on a flight but even we esconced in business class luxury gazed longingly at the front of the plane. The first class on the A380 is spectacular - it is not a seat you get but a suite with a separate bed and seat. On the Emirates service you can even take a shower in the sky.
There are some who take the James song literally - 'If I hadn't seen such riches I could live with being poor' - and sat bitterly bemoaning the fact that in first class you get Krug whereas you have to put up with Piper Heidsieck in business class. Two old crones I heard complained that the beds were uncomfortable and the designer 'should be shot'.
Don't worry - to keep me real I had only to think of the next flight I will take. Economy class to San Francisco with Harriet. Every time I thought of it I shuddered and downed some Piper Heidsieck and was damned grateful for it.
However, even the suite class passengers must be glad to get off the plane after 13 hours. Thankfully the label had done its job and I had picked up my bag and was out of the airport in ten minutes. My taxi driver gave me a history of the Changi airport and explained that it had all been constructed on reclaimed land. The motorway leading from the aiport to Singapore proper was long and straight and no matter whether his story about it being an alternative landing strip in emergencies was true it filled in the time and helped me to start adjusting to the accent or more precisely the speed at which people talk.
I checked in to my hotel and realised immediately that J could never come here. I was on the 20th floor and there looked to be a similar number above me. The internal lifts were transparent and even I preferred to keep my eyes fixed on the control panel. One of the big disappointments about leaving Field View was losing our power shower and the new one in London is frankly attrocious. But this hotel took the power shower to a whole new level - there were two showerheads built into the fixed unit and a separate freestanding shower just in case. It certainly blasted away the cobwebs and I set off for the office.
When I took over as the head of the front office model validation group I decided I had to visit Singapore. We have had a group there for several years and no one from the management team has ever been to see them. I wanted to give them the benefit of access to me in person and try to make them feel valued members of the group. Since we are setting up another group in New York too I shall be doing quite a bit more of this.
Singapore was chosen as a lower cost location but it has proved popular with some of the London managers who have chosen to relocate there. Quality of life is usually cited as the reason and provided you have the means I can see some of the attraction. You can have maids, cooks and nannies, pay low taxes and enjoy hot weather the year round. The main downside I could see at work is that because of the time differences people seem to work late to ensure they can have meetings with London and meetings with New York are really out of the question.
Still, every day we ate out at a different restaurant, first Chinese then Indian then Thai and then Japanese. It was comparable in price to our in-house restaurant in London but vastly superior in quality. On Thursday we went out for a team dinner. My local manager there is French so I suggested we tried a French restaurant and he obliged by picking Au Petit Salut.
For years I just turned up to work dinners, ate and left but now I was the one who had to pay for everything and scrutinise the costs. The restaurant was staggeringly expensive and the policy would just about cover the set menu. No one could be persuaded to try the escargot so we all went for the crab and avacado salade which was lovely except for the caviar, which I can't stand. For the main course you could have sea bream or veal. I went for the veal and was actually relieved to be told that it was out and would be replaced with more conventional beef. It was all of a really high standard and presented in a delicate and precise way. For desert we all went for the souffle and they all arrived perfectly and simultaneously.
On the other evenings a smaller group of us went out and tried different areas of town for drinks and entertainment. The first night we spent in the marina near the office gazing out at the mental casino. Imagine three skyscapers with a cruise liner stuck on the top and you get the idea. The second night we explored some of the standard ex-pat bars along the Singapore River and on the third night we visited the Arab quarter and later on I went for an exploration of China town.
There is a real incentive to drink cocktails in Singapore because they are the same price as a beer but actually I grew to like the local Tiger beer. There is something very pleasant in having beer from an iced pint glass while baking in the heat at midnight.
This strange place in South East Asia where the sun shines but where English is the dominant language, they drive on the left and even use our plugs will not appeal to everyone but I enjoyed my time there immensely. I was desperate to see J and H again but sad still to leave and I'd like to return.
But first there is the matter of an 11 hour flight with a 16 month old next month. Still, at the end of that flight we shall be in San Francisco so it is a good problem to have and you won't hear me complain. Too much.
Sunday 18 April 2010
Eruption
It erupted with some force and now all our plans are grounded.
Yes dear reader, teething has returned and with a vengance. We now have molars coming through and in the same week that the poor little mite had the MMR jab.
We have watched other parents and swore that when we got to the point that we could no longer go out for meals because of the chaos we brought with us then we would call it a day. We reached that point in Brown's restaurant in Canary Wharf yesterday - only chocolate buttons managed to soothe the beast and let us get through the meal but that I suspect will be that. It's another beautful day today in East London and we are off out to Epping Forest soon. Lunch will come in Sandwich form and can be eaten in some secluded grotto.
Hopefully it will be cleared before we fly to California - assuming the ash has abated or blown away to somewhere more convenient. Otherwise we will probably be spending our holiday in California, Stirlingshire.
Yes dear reader, teething has returned and with a vengance. We now have molars coming through and in the same week that the poor little mite had the MMR jab.
We have watched other parents and swore that when we got to the point that we could no longer go out for meals because of the chaos we brought with us then we would call it a day. We reached that point in Brown's restaurant in Canary Wharf yesterday - only chocolate buttons managed to soothe the beast and let us get through the meal but that I suspect will be that. It's another beautful day today in East London and we are off out to Epping Forest soon. Lunch will come in Sandwich form and can be eaten in some secluded grotto.
Hopefully it will be cleared before we fly to California - assuming the ash has abated or blown away to somewhere more convenient. Otherwise we will probably be spending our holiday in California, Stirlingshire.
Sunday 21 March 2010
London Calling
It's as if we'd never been away. Here I am again walking the streets of East London with two dogs. As I return home I am reassured by the sight of the high level white roof of an elderly vehicle. This time of course it's Billy instead of Scamper and the Land Rover instead of the VW Camper Van but still eerily similar.
I'll definitely miss the power showers in Field View (the new shower one could kindly describe as being like standing in a mist) and I will miss the quality of the local envirnoment. If you ignore our neighbours everything was very pretty and the local towns like Ware and Hertford were clean and smart. These streets have that inner city grime that displeases me although Billy is quite keen to find the occaisional discarded fast food wrapper.
There is life here though. I had great fun in the local 'international' supermarket. At any time of night and day I can now select from twenty different types of Haloumi cheese, three hundred brands of olives and a selection of fruits and vegetables delivered daily by NASA from some distant star system. The main target audience seems to be Turkish but they have evolved to keep with the times and most of the signs are in English and Polish.
I was put off when we arrived to move in by a group of hooded yoofs walking down the middle of the road. But now I am starting to notice some of the more positive groups in this melting pot - as I walk round the streets with B&P I am amused by the signs people have put up. "No Junk Mail and No God Squad" was a favourite and I made a mental note to commision a similar one. In the window of one brightly painted house was a notice explaining that Rosie's funeral would be in the church on Wednesday. This was a chance to say goodbye to someone who had lived in the area for eighty years - a remarkable thing in an area full of To Let signs and a population so obviously transient.
That includes us. Who knows where the next steps will take us and when?
I'll definitely miss the power showers in Field View (the new shower one could kindly describe as being like standing in a mist) and I will miss the quality of the local envirnoment. If you ignore our neighbours everything was very pretty and the local towns like Ware and Hertford were clean and smart. These streets have that inner city grime that displeases me although Billy is quite keen to find the occaisional discarded fast food wrapper.
There is life here though. I had great fun in the local 'international' supermarket. At any time of night and day I can now select from twenty different types of Haloumi cheese, three hundred brands of olives and a selection of fruits and vegetables delivered daily by NASA from some distant star system. The main target audience seems to be Turkish but they have evolved to keep with the times and most of the signs are in English and Polish.
I was put off when we arrived to move in by a group of hooded yoofs walking down the middle of the road. But now I am starting to notice some of the more positive groups in this melting pot - as I walk round the streets with B&P I am amused by the signs people have put up. "No Junk Mail and No God Squad" was a favourite and I made a mental note to commision a similar one. In the window of one brightly painted house was a notice explaining that Rosie's funeral would be in the church on Wednesday. This was a chance to say goodbye to someone who had lived in the area for eighty years - a remarkable thing in an area full of To Let signs and a population so obviously transient.
That includes us. Who knows where the next steps will take us and when?
Saturday 13 March 2010
A New Hope
When the call finally came I was on the tube and so I missed it. I saw the voicemail symbol as I emerged from the underground cathedral that is Canary Wharf Jubilee station but assumed that it was not important. Another headhunter perhaps or another delay - after all that very morning I had heard that the buyers' solicitors had requested yet more changes to the contract.
But that was it - we had exchanged contracts and the sorry nightmare that is Field View is all over.
It had been a nightmarish week. Every day brought no news or more ridiculous questions (solicitors have a real obsession about septic tanks). In the meantime we had to find somewhere to live, I had a really bad abcess and was not well on the antibiotics and J's arms were going from bad to worse. At work I have so many audit related deadlines for March 31st that I have needed to work late or join calls with the US from home (the Fed were somewhat bemused when I had to stop mid flow and explain that I had just been knocked off my chair by my labrador). We had to get the Landrover Discovery to the garage to move it and when the RAC turned on next door's land they came out shouting and every one of them has been wheelspinning and speeding on the drive.
But it was all over.
We sold Field View for less than we paid for it but it hasn't been all bad of course. We borrowed against the value of the house to pay some of the surrogacy costs - something we couldn't do in today's world. Plus we have had ridiculously low mortgage costs - an effective interest rate of 1.1% for a year now. So we are sanguine - it hasn't been a huge financial success but it did allow us to have Harriet that is more than enough.
To have more though we will need to work hard on saving so we are moving to a smaller house and must condense a three bedroom into two. To this end there is a skip in the driveway and we are beginning the process of ruthlessly eliminating that which we don't need. When we expected to move in November we had done a preliminary clearout so the house is not too bad but the garden sheds are another matter.
The garden furniture will stay because we do not expect to have a garden that can seat twenty people or so (something of an irony since in London there is far more chance of course that we will have twenty people round). Another feature of Field View that will be preserved is Mango.
Mango is fifteen years old and it makes no sense to take her back to London where she will be in constant conflict with the other cats. Soon we will be moving to the States and that is one journey that she will definitely not be making so it will be best if she stays here. The new owners are happy to have her (we had broached the subject back in October when they came for their second viewing). It will be the best for everyone.
These have been an eventful four years and we view the future with hope. Harriet's party two weeks ago was an amazing experience. There were seventy people there to celebrate this and it was great for both of us to see people so familiar and also some people we hadn't seen for years. It wasn't perfect because there were some important people who were not there. For those who could not come we will of course try to see you in Scotland or London soon. To those who would not come we have nothing further to say.
It's Mothering Sunday today which we will designate as 'Principal Care Giver Day' and that is for J. We are very ordinary in that respect - Harriet will always be special and different but viewed in a certain way she is from an old fashioned family unit that is part of an old fashioned wider family network. Those seventy people who were there at her party are in many ways just the tip of the iceberg - whoever puts her first will be part of our family.
Included in that number will be her siblings so we had better get saving hard. In the clearout I have found thirty pounds of tesco clubcard vouchers. Well, it's a start....
But that was it - we had exchanged contracts and the sorry nightmare that is Field View is all over.
It had been a nightmarish week. Every day brought no news or more ridiculous questions (solicitors have a real obsession about septic tanks). In the meantime we had to find somewhere to live, I had a really bad abcess and was not well on the antibiotics and J's arms were going from bad to worse. At work I have so many audit related deadlines for March 31st that I have needed to work late or join calls with the US from home (the Fed were somewhat bemused when I had to stop mid flow and explain that I had just been knocked off my chair by my labrador). We had to get the Landrover Discovery to the garage to move it and when the RAC turned on next door's land they came out shouting and every one of them has been wheelspinning and speeding on the drive.
But it was all over.
We sold Field View for less than we paid for it but it hasn't been all bad of course. We borrowed against the value of the house to pay some of the surrogacy costs - something we couldn't do in today's world. Plus we have had ridiculously low mortgage costs - an effective interest rate of 1.1% for a year now. So we are sanguine - it hasn't been a huge financial success but it did allow us to have Harriet that is more than enough.
To have more though we will need to work hard on saving so we are moving to a smaller house and must condense a three bedroom into two. To this end there is a skip in the driveway and we are beginning the process of ruthlessly eliminating that which we don't need. When we expected to move in November we had done a preliminary clearout so the house is not too bad but the garden sheds are another matter.
The garden furniture will stay because we do not expect to have a garden that can seat twenty people or so (something of an irony since in London there is far more chance of course that we will have twenty people round). Another feature of Field View that will be preserved is Mango.
Mango is fifteen years old and it makes no sense to take her back to London where she will be in constant conflict with the other cats. Soon we will be moving to the States and that is one journey that she will definitely not be making so it will be best if she stays here. The new owners are happy to have her (we had broached the subject back in October when they came for their second viewing). It will be the best for everyone.
These have been an eventful four years and we view the future with hope. Harriet's party two weeks ago was an amazing experience. There were seventy people there to celebrate this and it was great for both of us to see people so familiar and also some people we hadn't seen for years. It wasn't perfect because there were some important people who were not there. For those who could not come we will of course try to see you in Scotland or London soon. To those who would not come we have nothing further to say.
It's Mothering Sunday today which we will designate as 'Principal Care Giver Day' and that is for J. We are very ordinary in that respect - Harriet will always be special and different but viewed in a certain way she is from an old fashioned family unit that is part of an old fashioned wider family network. Those seventy people who were there at her party are in many ways just the tip of the iceberg - whoever puts her first will be part of our family.
Included in that number will be her siblings so we had better get saving hard. In the clearout I have found thirty pounds of tesco clubcard vouchers. Well, it's a start....
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