Christmas 2011

So many Christmases have come and gone. As adults the magic has worn increasingly thin to the extent that last year we had very few presents (they were somewhere in the Atlantic) and the morning was spent in a supermarket. That's not to say it was bad, just lacking some of the wonder.

But even then we knew it would change and we knew it was going change in December 2011. Harriet has been singing jingle bells for weeks now and when we went to see the see the tree at the Rock she spied a skating Father Christmas on the ice rink and nearly exploded with excitement.

J managed all the logistics smoothly. My only task was to do the last shop with J while Sarah looked after Harriet. In the evening the time finally came to go to bed and we set out the sherry and mince pie for Santa. Lacking carrots for Rudolph we used some of the tortoise leaves as a substitute - Harriet ignored the sherry and mince pie but was trying to munch the leaves before the red nosed one could get there.

Bed time came and once she was off J set to work on making the stockings. As a modern twist he then used an iPhone app to take pictures of the apartment, superimposing pictures of Father Christmas as he delivered the presents.

The morning came and she climbed into bed. "I've got a push chair" she said, matter-of-factly. "Is there a stocking?", "Yes", "Shall we have a look?", "OK".

Next year we won't get away with such a super-cool approach! Once the stocking came out she became increasingly excited. It was the little things that really captured her imagination like a 50 cent plastic wand and an owl key-ring that shone bright blue light on demand.

When we showed her the pictures of Santa she was hysterical - "That's my room!!!"

Once downstairs the adults opened their stockings. I got an awesome massager plus a non-spill wine glass and various stain removers (just in case). I had got J a calendar of country music quotations, a national geographic photo book and a mock children's book ("Go the **** to sleep"). Sarah and I got a joint present of a vintage Atari games console.

We had insisted that my mother wait till she saw us before she opened her present. So we fired up Skype and saw her just before her Christmas lunch. Her present, a locket, contains small pictures of Harriet and a curl of her hair to keep her close though she is so far away.

Breakfast was pancakes and bacon - what else? We have got Harriet her own stool that lets her sit at the table without a booster seat (she loves T's) so she could sit with us (only orange juice unlike the bucks fizz we were knocking back).

The presents were amazing. I don't want to highlight any one particular thing so let's leave it there but honestly we are so lucky. Harriet had an absolute ball and we could all kick back as she played like a mad thing.

Too much prossecco and an over-excited child meant that it was time for a break. We took a walk out to Washington Square park for some fresh air and a run around.

We were home to catch up with J's family at Kev and Amy's before it was time for dinner. Christmas Dinner was a perfect blend of tradition and modernity. We had French onion soup, followed by turkey and ultimately Christmas pudding (sourced from the British store on Hudson). It was such a wonderful, leisurely dinner and Harriet was very much part of the table and conversation. She bowed out, exhausted, before pudding - her first Christmas when she really knew what was going on.

As tradition dictates we ended the night with a board game which was hilarious, though not in the way the designers intended (we were just doing parodies of the questions at the end).

So that is it, a perfect Christmas. Thank you to Sarah for coming, to our families and friends across the world and to J for making it all happen seamlessly.

Most of all, thank you Harriet for making it truly magical.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

For the love of arctic terns

A long, long, time ago when I was with my former employer I knew the most unlikely salesman.  He was the friendliest, most genial man in the world.  I couldn't imagine that he was very successful in sales, lacking a killer instinct and any vanity, and I was probably right but it did not seem to matter to him.  A colleague of mine was stunned one day after he had given the salesman some help and received an email of thanks with an accompanying link to an album of pictures of wild birds.  The man had a passion for them and would travel the length and breadth of the US to photograph them and observe them.  We laughed, not in a deliberately mean way but in the way of an outsider, confounded by another's passion so willingly exposed.

I am writing this, as so often, from an airline departure lounge.  It's a self funded trip yet one that has involved spending a lot of time in the office (with a short stop to exchange presents in Scotland).  I need to do it because that was the deal when I moved to the US nearly one year ago.  I knew that I would need to do the early mornings to catch London meetings and I would need to travel frequently.  If anything I predict that next year I will travel even more frequently than the four trips I have done this year.

It's hard to be away from home so often (and it seems more because J and H's two trips have been without me so essentially every other month we are apart for at least a weak).  If social travel broadens the mind then business travel can close it because you might start to think that all places look the same.  But life is a compromise and we knew it full well when a year ago we stepped into the arrivals hall at Kennedy.  Harriet was in her stroller, Pippin in her box, most of our possessions somewhere in the sea and we were stepping out into a new life.

Living in Manhattan has proved to be a huge thrill.  We have been lucky enough to have always iconic views of the city and even the walk to work takes me across Madison Square Park with the Empire State Building looming near at hand.  Harriet plays in parks with the Statue of Liberty standing tall in the distance.  Central park is as commonplace a destination as the Wanstead Flats once were.

The biggest impact has come from meeting new people, many in a similar situation to us.  Harriet has friends for whom having a gay parent or parents is quite normal.  Some of our friends used gestational surrogacy as we did, others adopted and others have children from previous relationships but they have much in common.  The whole world will not be kind to Harriet because of us and we see the worst of it in the US - the Republican Party and the church foam at the mouth about gays in the US far more than any of our European friends might realise.  It is strange but this land where opposition to us is so bitter and discrimination so vile and commonplace is the same country that made the whole thing possible in the first place.

Our visa situation with J is still problematic and is unlikely to change until we see how the election in 2012 goes.  Repeal of DOMA (the ban on federal recognition of same sex marriage, thanks Bill Clinton) is highly improbable in the short term anyway.  We have time on our side through our current visas and will just have to wait and see.  But it is serious and already this year Jay has been detained at immigration for a while because someone didn't like his unusual visa (for anyone keen to preserve religious opt-outs in the provision of public services, all I can say is [insert favourite expletive here]).

Life outside of Manhattan has proved to be a thrill too.  We have not made enough use of the country yet but J and H have been to South Carolina and the whole family (including the dog!) flew to Florida for an RV vacation.  We also travelled to San Francisco to see my parents and returned with them to New York.  Next year we definitely plan to see a lot more of the country but we haven't done that badly so far.

Distance from family can be a real downer too.  I saw how my parents' home has become almost a shrine to Harriet with pictures of her everywhere and they want to hear every little detail.  They've made the trip out twice but it seems hardly enough.  So many other close friends and family are in a similar position and not everyone can come to New York but at least we do skype, we do come home and they do visit where they can.  I console myself with the thought that at least it's not Australia - without familiy concerns I think we would both consider living there.

So on the one hand we have the city, the new friends, the travel and so much more while on the other we contend with a hostile political system that treats us a second class to straight married couples, the need to travel and the distance from family.

On balance, it's been a success so to many people who ask me how I like New York I say very much.  It's like spotting a rare arctic tern - it may be a bit of a pain to get there and you may need to look first at a few pigeons but it's worth it all the same.