A long, long, time ago when I was with my former employer I knew the most unlikely salesman. He was the friendliest, most genial man in the world. I couldn't imagine that he was very successful in sales, lacking a killer instinct and any vanity, and I was probably right but it did not seem to matter to him. A colleague of mine was stunned one day after he had given the salesman some help and received an email of thanks with an accompanying link to an album of pictures of wild birds. The man had a passion for them and would travel the length and breadth of the US to photograph them and observe them. We laughed, not in a deliberately mean way but in the way of an outsider, confounded by another's passion so willingly exposed.
I am writing this, as so often, from an airline departure lounge. It's a self funded trip yet one that has involved spending a lot of time in the office (with a short stop to exchange presents in Scotland). I need to do it because that was the deal when I moved to the US nearly one year ago. I knew that I would need to do the early mornings to catch London meetings and I would need to travel frequently. If anything I predict that next year I will travel even more frequently than the four trips I have done this year.
It's hard to be away from home so often (and it seems more because J and H's two trips have been without me so essentially every other month we are apart for at least a weak). If social travel broadens the mind then business travel can close it because you might start to think that all places look the same. But life is a compromise and we knew it full well when a year ago we stepped into the arrivals hall at Kennedy. Harriet was in her stroller, Pippin in her box, most of our possessions somewhere in the sea and we were stepping out into a new life.
Living in Manhattan has proved to be a huge thrill. We have been lucky enough to have always iconic views of the city and even the walk to work takes me across Madison Square Park with the Empire State Building looming near at hand. Harriet plays in parks with the Statue of Liberty standing tall in the distance. Central park is as commonplace a destination as the Wanstead Flats once were.
The biggest impact has come from meeting new people, many in a similar situation to us. Harriet has friends for whom having a gay parent or parents is quite normal. Some of our friends used gestational surrogacy as we did, others adopted and others have children from previous relationships but they have much in common. The whole world will not be kind to Harriet because of us and we see the worst of it in the US - the Republican Party and the church foam at the mouth about gays in the US far more than any of our European friends might realise. It is strange but this land where opposition to us is so bitter and discrimination so vile and commonplace is the same country that made the whole thing possible in the first place.
Our visa situation with J is still problematic and is unlikely to change until we see how the election in 2012 goes. Repeal of DOMA (the ban on federal recognition of same sex marriage, thanks Bill Clinton) is highly improbable in the short term anyway. We have time on our side through our current visas and will just have to wait and see. But it is serious and already this year Jay has been detained at immigration for a while because someone didn't like his unusual visa (for anyone keen to preserve religious opt-outs in the provision of public services, all I can say is [insert favourite expletive here]).
Life outside of Manhattan has proved to be a thrill too. We have not made enough use of the country yet but J and H have been to South Carolina and the whole family (including the dog!) flew to Florida for an RV vacation. We also travelled to San Francisco to see my parents and returned with them to New York. Next year we definitely plan to see a lot more of the country but we haven't done that badly so far.
Distance from family can be a real downer too. I saw how my parents' home has become almost a shrine to Harriet with pictures of her everywhere and they want to hear every little detail. They've made the trip out twice but it seems hardly enough. So many other close friends and family are in a similar position and not everyone can come to New York but at least we do skype, we do come home and they do visit where they can. I console myself with the thought that at least it's not Australia - without familiy concerns I think we would both consider living there.
So on the one hand we have the city, the new friends, the travel and so much more while on the other we contend with a hostile political system that treats us a second class to straight married couples, the need to travel and the distance from family.
On balance, it's been a success so to many people who ask me how I like New York I say very much. It's like spotting a rare arctic tern - it may be a bit of a pain to get there and you may need to look first at a few pigeons but it's worth it all the same.
