It is astonishing to me that we are almost ready to say farewell to March and I have yet to make a post here. So, it is time to make some time and provide a few updates.
Beginning at the beginning, we moved from the West Village to the Upper West Side in January - a distance of four miles but a world away. This was searingly expensive. UK people will be amazed to hear how the system works here: you need to pay 6% of the annual rent to the landlord's agent and 6% to your agent if you are actually accepted (plus the cost of the credit checks). So basically imagine paying a month and a half's rent just for the privilege of being allowed to rent somewhere. We wanted to bring Billy to America and got turned down for four places before we had to give up on that idea. Add in the cost of removal companies and the overlap period when you are renting two places in Manhattan and it becomes gut-punchingly expensive.
The neighbourhood is much more family friendly, close to many of our closest friends and being near to Central Park is a great boon. The apartment is larger and the views are amazing. Fortunately the commute although longer is fine too. It is a lot cheaper than the old place and we have a two year lease so over time we will save.
There is no progress on the second surrogacy. The costs have gone up a great deal since we last did it. Some of this is just circumstantial - we were so lucky before that the pound was at 2 dollars so that alone has made it about 30% more expensive (from a British point of view). The agencies have really ramped up their fees and the insurance companies have become even more demanding. The end result is the cost is almost at least double what it was the last time and it has to be found up-front in its entirety. Before we had a house to borrow against but this time that would not be an option even if we still owned Field View. Yes I know that I am a rich banker but despite what you may have read banker compensation is down a lot and deferrals are up hugely (three to nine years is the norm now). We are waiting on our clinic's in-house program but that will take time.
I know that people have real problems. I'm not writing this because I want sympathy but we are asked so frequently about how it is going that it is probably worth filling in a few of the details.
We have been very busy entertaining family. J's parents came in January just after we moved. It was time to visit some of the familiar tourist spots - the Empire Sate, Top of the Rock and Broadway. Next up were my parents in February. They wanted to take us somewhere for our birthdays and we chose Bermuda. This had the happy outcome of allowing us to reset our landing cards because we had left the United States. After the last episode when J and Harriet were detained at Newark we were apprehensive but it was fine.
At least our immigration issues give us conversation material. We are members of a Lesbian and Gay parenting group and recently we hosted the monthly brunch at our place. For a good hour we shared our horror stories of trying to get in to the US. One woman is now a US citizen but she travels to Canada with work frequently and says she is now resigned to being picked out for special screening every time (she attributes that to the fact that she is from the Dominican Republic originally). One Japanese guy was held for nine hours one time before being allowed in.
It especially infuriates me how we are treated at this time of year when I file my US taxes. I have the usual ex-pat gripes. More than this as a gay man I have to do the usual double speak when I explain that for State/City purposes J is my husband whereas for federal purposes he is nothing to do with me whatsoever. We need to have security about where we can stay and I need some more options for work.
But before I end let us return to Bermuda. The beach was beautiful and though the water was cool it was quiet and it was a joy to spend time uninterrupted with Harriet. She loved the water, the sand, the fish and the Jacuzzi. When other children came to the beach she could play the leader and play the follower and cracked even the most closed groups of siblings. She had the confidence to march up to the bar and the guile to charm the staff into giving her cherries. She plays air guitar better than anyone and is fiendishly clever when she thinks she is unobserved and charmingly clueless when being grilled about some misdemeanor. The important thing is that I got to spend the time and see it first hand.
We are confounded by circumstances and not everything goes according to plan, not our plan at least, but we are having the time of our lives.
